Dear Friend,
Thank you, friend, for taking this journey with me. It’s not quite over, but for now I’m putting the blogging on hold. Today I leave for Kosice, Slovakia, where I’ll spend Thanksgiving week with my good friend (and Northwestern alum of 2008) Kristen Moss. She’s tutoring for a missionary family, as I understand it. During this time I’ll be leaving my anvil of a laptop behind in Romania and enjoying a much postponed midterm break. Yeah, it’s kind of late in the game.
For those of you who will be interested in knowing about my adventures in Slovakia, you’ll be able to find out after I return. I’m planning on keeping some kind of personal journal, though I’m not sure how that’ll play out. I’ll add it to the blog under some section epically titled “The Slovakia Chapters” or something corny like that. “The Lost Chapters.” I’ll think of something. Suffice it so say, you won’t be left out of the loop for very long. I may transcribe them after I return to the States, but you’ll be able to read them. I’m simply leaving my laptop behind firstly because it’s unnecessary weight and secondly because the main reason for this blog is to fulfill my internship requirement of journaling each day’s activities and how they apply to what I’m studying. My internship is complete, so I don’t need to journal for the internship. However, I will journal for the blog and add them later.
Also, I’ll probably journal on the days I get back from Slovakia before we all leave to return to Orange City, IA. Depending on the availability of Internet access when I return, you’ll be able to find out what’s going on until the end (though, unfortunately, not right before we get on the plane.)
Okay, enough logistics. This entry started with a “thank you” and it’s going to end that way. Your prayers and support, friend, have been of immeasurable value to me. It’s said that people don’t really appreciate what they have until they don’t have it anymore. Not that your love and friendship ever ended while I was over here, but your immediate presence was certainly put on hold. And even, friend, if we remain physically apart after I return, please still know my gratitude. I’ve learned a lot of sentimentality is rooted in the love of Our Father in Heaven, so I can say with all surety and without feeling like I’m using a cliché that we won’t always remain apart. If we all – you, I, and our loved ones – can draw near unto God, there we will be together. Keep the faith.
Blessings.
Kailen
Friday, November 21, 2008
November 20, 2008: Final Interviews and Final Day
Dear Friend,
Eugen, Tudor and Marius, Luisa, and Maria are the interviews I had today. Starting at five o’clock in the afternoon with Eugen, having a little break before Tudor and Marius, and going all the way to eight o’clock. They all turned out really well. I listened to them after burning them to CDs and realized George had bought a really, really good recorder. Olympus is the brand, though I can’t remember what model. Doesn’t matter, it was a good recorder.
“Empowering the people,” or some facsimile thereof, is what I heard in my interviews today. Giving people the opportunity to take responsibility, make choices, find solutions, and also think about the other person – the person next to you, your neighbor, whoever – are the reasons for forum theatre. And what has being a part of a forum theatre group done for these volunteers? Made them mature. Help them think about solutions in their own lives. Made them feel good about volunteering. All these and other great opportunities they’ve been given. That people can use something they enjoy (theatre) to help others (volunteering) seems, to these folks, the most sensible thing to invest in.
The party was small and intimate. This is the way I like parties. The whole shindig had barely started and Maria wanted me to launch into my State of the Union address (this analogy expands in a bit.) I gave my speech, all the time trying to make sure that I didn’t drag on. As has happened in the past, this turned from being a speech into a discussion, which relaxed me quite a bit. Being able to talk “with” people as opposed to “at” people makes me feel less like a blathering idiot. I probably still am, but I feel less so when others are blathering too (ha!)
Anyway, we had our discussion about “evil catharsis” and how Boal is attempting to demolish it in Theatre of the Oppressed. I also tried to explain, and I think everyone agreed on some level, that catharsis was not inherently “evil.” Catharsis is just catharsis. All this talking, though, impressed everyone so much that they all thought I should become president. I vehemently declined and they all laughed. I did, however, accept the nickname they gave me.
Just about all the guys in the group have a nickname that begins with “coco.” For example, I think Eugen, the originator of the “coco” nicknames idea, has the nickname “Coco Shorty.” I know that Marius has the nickname “Coco GPS,” but I’m not sure why. I once asked Eugen what was the reason behind “coco.” He wouldn’t tell me and I got the impression it was probably something inappropriate. However, I had no way of truly knowing, because he wouldn’t tell me, so I just filed my curiosity under “cross-cultural differences.” All this to say they finally gave me a nickname after my State of the Union address. My nickname is now “Coco President.” I accepted with great appreciation because I knew it was a way of further accepting me into their group. In a sense, I belonged. That felt really great.
I had so much fun at the party, even though it was a goodbye party. I laughed a lot, opened up more than I had before, told them my regrets for not having done so earlier, and also expressed my immense gratitude for their patience and care these past couple of months. Could things have gone differently, even better, this semester? Maybe. Probably. Sure. However, things happened the way they did and I’ve learned so much, as have they. Carmen expressed that it was also brand new for them. They didn’t really know how to conduct this internship either. They were all busy with their own lives, as well, so everyone was trying to figure things out just like I was. That being said, we’ve all learned from this experience and are friends after it. How better to end the semester? I know of no other way.
Blessings.
Kailen
Eugen, Tudor and Marius, Luisa, and Maria are the interviews I had today. Starting at five o’clock in the afternoon with Eugen, having a little break before Tudor and Marius, and going all the way to eight o’clock. They all turned out really well. I listened to them after burning them to CDs and realized George had bought a really, really good recorder. Olympus is the brand, though I can’t remember what model. Doesn’t matter, it was a good recorder.
“Empowering the people,” or some facsimile thereof, is what I heard in my interviews today. Giving people the opportunity to take responsibility, make choices, find solutions, and also think about the other person – the person next to you, your neighbor, whoever – are the reasons for forum theatre. And what has being a part of a forum theatre group done for these volunteers? Made them mature. Help them think about solutions in their own lives. Made them feel good about volunteering. All these and other great opportunities they’ve been given. That people can use something they enjoy (theatre) to help others (volunteering) seems, to these folks, the most sensible thing to invest in.
The party was small and intimate. This is the way I like parties. The whole shindig had barely started and Maria wanted me to launch into my State of the Union address (this analogy expands in a bit.) I gave my speech, all the time trying to make sure that I didn’t drag on. As has happened in the past, this turned from being a speech into a discussion, which relaxed me quite a bit. Being able to talk “with” people as opposed to “at” people makes me feel less like a blathering idiot. I probably still am, but I feel less so when others are blathering too (ha!)
Anyway, we had our discussion about “evil catharsis” and how Boal is attempting to demolish it in Theatre of the Oppressed. I also tried to explain, and I think everyone agreed on some level, that catharsis was not inherently “evil.” Catharsis is just catharsis. All this talking, though, impressed everyone so much that they all thought I should become president. I vehemently declined and they all laughed. I did, however, accept the nickname they gave me.
Just about all the guys in the group have a nickname that begins with “coco.” For example, I think Eugen, the originator of the “coco” nicknames idea, has the nickname “Coco Shorty.” I know that Marius has the nickname “Coco GPS,” but I’m not sure why. I once asked Eugen what was the reason behind “coco.” He wouldn’t tell me and I got the impression it was probably something inappropriate. However, I had no way of truly knowing, because he wouldn’t tell me, so I just filed my curiosity under “cross-cultural differences.” All this to say they finally gave me a nickname after my State of the Union address. My nickname is now “Coco President.” I accepted with great appreciation because I knew it was a way of further accepting me into their group. In a sense, I belonged. That felt really great.
I had so much fun at the party, even though it was a goodbye party. I laughed a lot, opened up more than I had before, told them my regrets for not having done so earlier, and also expressed my immense gratitude for their patience and care these past couple of months. Could things have gone differently, even better, this semester? Maybe. Probably. Sure. However, things happened the way they did and I’ve learned so much, as have they. Carmen expressed that it was also brand new for them. They didn’t really know how to conduct this internship either. They were all busy with their own lives, as well, so everyone was trying to figure things out just like I was. That being said, we’ve all learned from this experience and are friends after it. How better to end the semester? I know of no other way.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 19, 2008: Curriculum Done and Third Interview
Dear Friend,
It’s done! I finished the curriculum today and I couldn’t be happier. Granted, it’s still in a very rough stage, but the people who will work on it after me will now have quite a bit to work with. I’ve done my part, now I’m passing the torch. In doing so, I’ve discovered how difficult it is to write a curriculum on your own. This led me to believe that collaboration made a lot of sense, especially as I didn’t know one thing about writing the darn thing. I essentially wrote a fourth Augusto Boal paper and tacked on a bunch of theatre games I knew. Organizing what I’ve written into a structured class syllabus, or whatever system Romanian high schools use, had to go to someone else, someone who certainly would know more about it than me. Just as in theatre, everyone contributes his or her knowledge and experience to form something great. Collaboration.
As I was proof-reading and rewriting the forum theatre history segment (my fourth Boal paper) I suddenly realized that I had experienced catharsis the way Boal writes about. Yes, I’ve obviously experienced catharsis before, but Boal emphasizes how catharsis essentially neutralizes the spectator by cleansing the spectator of negative emotions, antiestablishment emotions that could start the “revolution.” Before I had this catharsis, I wasn’t necessarily going to picket on Washington Avenue or anything, but I was certainly and unexpectedly neutralized by it. I discuss this experience more in a separate entry entitled "Amadeus – A Cathartic Experience." I figure this discovery requires further explanation, but not here.
I interviewed Vali tonight. I was glad to see him after our rather impersonal confrontation (we hadn’t and still haven’t discussed anything in person, though I think it’s no longer necessary.) The interview went by rather quickly, he was able to think of answers right away. In general, Vali explained that he does forum theatre not only to volunteer but also to improve his acting skills. He’s been able to find ways to use his training onstage during a forum theatre piece. He also explained that being a part of A.R.T. Fusion has taught him how to work better with people and how to be more patient with his fellow volunteers. He understands that not all the volunteers are as trained as he is and that he needs to allow them to grow and discover just as he was allowed.
Tomorrow is it. My internship will end. It hasn’t quite sunk in yet. I still have some interviews to conduct and Maria wants me to give the spiel I gave about forum theatre at the workshop last Sunday for the volunteers. Tomorrow night some of the volunteers will show up for my goodbye party, as most of them won’t be around when I get back from Slovakia. This is when Maria wants me to “rally the troops,” as it were, because she thought I did a good job at explaining the reasons for forum theatre last Sunday. I just hope I don’t yack their ears off the entire party. I talk (and write) way too much.
Blessings.
Kailen
It’s done! I finished the curriculum today and I couldn’t be happier. Granted, it’s still in a very rough stage, but the people who will work on it after me will now have quite a bit to work with. I’ve done my part, now I’m passing the torch. In doing so, I’ve discovered how difficult it is to write a curriculum on your own. This led me to believe that collaboration made a lot of sense, especially as I didn’t know one thing about writing the darn thing. I essentially wrote a fourth Augusto Boal paper and tacked on a bunch of theatre games I knew. Organizing what I’ve written into a structured class syllabus, or whatever system Romanian high schools use, had to go to someone else, someone who certainly would know more about it than me. Just as in theatre, everyone contributes his or her knowledge and experience to form something great. Collaboration.
As I was proof-reading and rewriting the forum theatre history segment (my fourth Boal paper) I suddenly realized that I had experienced catharsis the way Boal writes about. Yes, I’ve obviously experienced catharsis before, but Boal emphasizes how catharsis essentially neutralizes the spectator by cleansing the spectator of negative emotions, antiestablishment emotions that could start the “revolution.” Before I had this catharsis, I wasn’t necessarily going to picket on Washington Avenue or anything, but I was certainly and unexpectedly neutralized by it. I discuss this experience more in a separate entry entitled "Amadeus – A Cathartic Experience." I figure this discovery requires further explanation, but not here.
I interviewed Vali tonight. I was glad to see him after our rather impersonal confrontation (we hadn’t and still haven’t discussed anything in person, though I think it’s no longer necessary.) The interview went by rather quickly, he was able to think of answers right away. In general, Vali explained that he does forum theatre not only to volunteer but also to improve his acting skills. He’s been able to find ways to use his training onstage during a forum theatre piece. He also explained that being a part of A.R.T. Fusion has taught him how to work better with people and how to be more patient with his fellow volunteers. He understands that not all the volunteers are as trained as he is and that he needs to allow them to grow and discover just as he was allowed.
Tomorrow is it. My internship will end. It hasn’t quite sunk in yet. I still have some interviews to conduct and Maria wants me to give the spiel I gave about forum theatre at the workshop last Sunday for the volunteers. Tomorrow night some of the volunteers will show up for my goodbye party, as most of them won’t be around when I get back from Slovakia. This is when Maria wants me to “rally the troops,” as it were, because she thought I did a good job at explaining the reasons for forum theatre last Sunday. I just hope I don’t yack their ears off the entire party. I talk (and write) way too much.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 18, 2008: Second Interview
Dear Friend,
I interviewed Adi today. He’s the guy that likes “Boom-Chicka-Boom” so much that whenever he sees me he asks if we can play it. His excitement about that game is amusing to see because of how childlike he is. He’s a great friend.
Adi was hesitant about the voice recorder. He was very shy while answering the questions, not liking that someone else in the future might listen to the interview and hear his voice. He did well, though, and answered them as best he could, though it may have taken awhile to say a little for how self-conscious he was.
Adi has been a volunteer for both A.R.T. Fusion and New Horizons for a couple years now. As I’ve seen him work in the forum theatre projects we’ve done, I’ve noticed how well he takes the stage. He expressed in the interview how he enjoys forum theatre because of the nervous excitement he gets when he’s performing. He demonstrated my shaking his hands, as if he was really nervous. He has good stage presence. He also appreciates forum theatre for how it’s helped him to recognize different solutions in his own life. He hopes that will continue into his future.
As I ended the interview, Adi expressed his appreciation for my being here. He said he wanted me to call him to say goodbye before I got on the plane. Adi didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to the last intern from the States A.R.T. Fusion had. He wants to make up for that. So do I.
Blessings.
Kailen
I interviewed Adi today. He’s the guy that likes “Boom-Chicka-Boom” so much that whenever he sees me he asks if we can play it. His excitement about that game is amusing to see because of how childlike he is. He’s a great friend.
Adi was hesitant about the voice recorder. He was very shy while answering the questions, not liking that someone else in the future might listen to the interview and hear his voice. He did well, though, and answered them as best he could, though it may have taken awhile to say a little for how self-conscious he was.
Adi has been a volunteer for both A.R.T. Fusion and New Horizons for a couple years now. As I’ve seen him work in the forum theatre projects we’ve done, I’ve noticed how well he takes the stage. He expressed in the interview how he enjoys forum theatre because of the nervous excitement he gets when he’s performing. He demonstrated my shaking his hands, as if he was really nervous. He has good stage presence. He also appreciates forum theatre for how it’s helped him to recognize different solutions in his own life. He hopes that will continue into his future.
As I ended the interview, Adi expressed his appreciation for my being here. He said he wanted me to call him to say goodbye before I got on the plane. Adi didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to the last intern from the States A.R.T. Fusion had. He wants to make up for that. So do I.
Blessings.
Kailen
Monday, November 17, 2008
November 17, 2008: Paper Three Done
Dear Friend,
Fall semester of my junior year I was taking over eighteen credits and had seven papers due before the end of finals week. I correlated each paper with each of the seven deadly sins as a way to make the strain more comical. As I completed each paper I would announce, “I’ve just beaten wrath,” or “I’ve just defeated gluttony.” The process was made much easier knowing there was comedy. However, my writing ability took a toll. I was so exhausted after having completed seven academic documents that, after that point, I was unable to write the way I used to. Seven papers is a lot!
This was almost the case today, but not quite. This was only my third paper as opposed to my seventh. However, I’m beat. As I wrote the paper I realized I wasn’t as up on my game as I had been while writing my second paper. By the end of writing this final paper I was ready to throw in the towel. It’s finished, though, which means all I have to concentrate on now is the curriculum. This does mean more writing, but somehow there’s less stress knowing that I’ve finished everything else except that. By the time I leave for Slovakia this Friday I’ll be done with the curriculum. Another victory just around the bend.
Blessings.
Kailen
Fall semester of my junior year I was taking over eighteen credits and had seven papers due before the end of finals week. I correlated each paper with each of the seven deadly sins as a way to make the strain more comical. As I completed each paper I would announce, “I’ve just beaten wrath,” or “I’ve just defeated gluttony.” The process was made much easier knowing there was comedy. However, my writing ability took a toll. I was so exhausted after having completed seven academic documents that, after that point, I was unable to write the way I used to. Seven papers is a lot!
This was almost the case today, but not quite. This was only my third paper as opposed to my seventh. However, I’m beat. As I wrote the paper I realized I wasn’t as up on my game as I had been while writing my second paper. By the end of writing this final paper I was ready to throw in the towel. It’s finished, though, which means all I have to concentrate on now is the curriculum. This does mean more writing, but somehow there’s less stress knowing that I’ve finished everything else except that. By the time I leave for Slovakia this Friday I’ll be done with the curriculum. Another victory just around the bend.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 16, 2008: Forum Theatre Workshop
Dear Friend,
At eleven o’clock today I began explaining the history of forum theatre to a group of twenty to twenty-five participants in my workshop. After being immersed in the history and theory of forum theatre for so long, relaying this information was almost a piece of cake. Obviously, all I wanted to say was in my head. At times, though, the transmission between brain and mouth lagged and I found myself doubling back to re-explain something in a better context. What was great about my presentation was that it was a discussion, much like the experience I had in the high school a couple weeks ago. The participants asked questions, gave their opinions, and together we had a conversation about forum theatre. I made sure to explain that I was just becoming familiar with it myself and encouraged them to do their own research and make new discoveries.
Following the history lesson, I led the participants in two games. The first was “Columbian hypnosis,” a game found in Augusto Boal’s Games for Actors and Non-Actors. In “Columbian hypnosis,” one person raises his hand and slowly leads his partner as if his partner is hypnotized by his hand. The partner positions her face a couple inches away from the leader’s hand and follows with her body wherever the leader moves his hand. This always leads the follower to use her body in ways she usual doesn’t in order to keep her balance and follow the leader’s hand. I really enjoy this game and explained to the participants that it was a game involving non-verbal communication, trust, and an exploration of the body. What positions do you find yourself in while doing the exercise? How are these different from the positions you’re usually in? What muscles must you use while participating in this game? I then had leader and follower switch. I also had them do the game in groups of three, one leader two followers. The leader uses both hands, one follower to each.
The second game was a sculpting game. The participants got in pairs again. One was the sculptor and the other was the clay. The sculptor was not allowed to physically touch her “clay.” Instead, like in “Columbian hypnosis,” she had to use her hands to “mold” her “clay.” So, if I’m the clay, the sculptor would put her hands by my foot and, essentially, lead my foot to where she wanted it to be. She’d do the same with my arms and head, fingers and facial features. While facilitating this game, I asked for words to describe certain things in our environment, like the carpet. The participants would throw out words, I would choose one, and tell them to make a sculpture communicating the word I had chosen. One word was “lazy.” After the sculptures were done, the sculptors would have an art exhibit and view each others sculptures. This process was repeated, this time with the word “change,” after I switched roles. Sculptor was now clay, and vice versa. The purposes for this game were the same as “Columbian hypnosis:” non-verbal communication, trust, and exploring the body. Also, the sculpting game helped in finding a way to use art to express meaning. How would you sculpt “lazy” or “change?” The many results were interesting and unique. No two sculptures were alike.
After my part, Maria then explained what A.R.T. Fusion had been doing with forum theatre. She presented in Romanian, as presenting in English was becoming difficult as she described past projects. She then engaged the participants in an evaluation of the workshop. She laid five pens at intervals on the floor, telling them the pens were a scale by which they would answer the questions she had for them about the workshop, one being the worst or least and five being best or most. Maria asked how people liked the workshop overall, my presentation of forum theatre, and their interest in further researching forum theatre. The answers were varied, but everyone seemed to appreciate the time and energy Maria and I put into the workshop. Therefore, the workshop was a success.
This workshop was the first time, though, that I encountered skepticism about forum theatre. Most of the participants were quite knowledgeable about theatre. Many concerns were brought up about how forum theatre is presented and how participants in forum theatre understand it. One concern was presented where a potential forum theatre participant, encouraged to face his oppression offstage as well as on, loses his job in real life after asking for a raise from his oppressing boss. The concern was about the participant believing that whatever happened within the forum – exploring ways to receive a wage proportional to his hours of work – would translate to real life when he returned to work. This, as well as other concerns, was shared by about half of the workshop participants. Some of them seemed almost annoyed by the seemingly upstart nature of forum theatre and why Boal created it. Part of me began to think I hadn’t presented it adequately, but then I remembered that forum theatre, by its own nature, is very different and alien when compared to regular theatre. Therefore, it shouldn’t be a surprise that some people are a little hesitant to accept it as a worthwhile pursuit. Admittedly, there was probably a time when I felt that way, too.
Blessings.
Kailen
At eleven o’clock today I began explaining the history of forum theatre to a group of twenty to twenty-five participants in my workshop. After being immersed in the history and theory of forum theatre for so long, relaying this information was almost a piece of cake. Obviously, all I wanted to say was in my head. At times, though, the transmission between brain and mouth lagged and I found myself doubling back to re-explain something in a better context. What was great about my presentation was that it was a discussion, much like the experience I had in the high school a couple weeks ago. The participants asked questions, gave their opinions, and together we had a conversation about forum theatre. I made sure to explain that I was just becoming familiar with it myself and encouraged them to do their own research and make new discoveries.
Following the history lesson, I led the participants in two games. The first was “Columbian hypnosis,” a game found in Augusto Boal’s Games for Actors and Non-Actors. In “Columbian hypnosis,” one person raises his hand and slowly leads his partner as if his partner is hypnotized by his hand. The partner positions her face a couple inches away from the leader’s hand and follows with her body wherever the leader moves his hand. This always leads the follower to use her body in ways she usual doesn’t in order to keep her balance and follow the leader’s hand. I really enjoy this game and explained to the participants that it was a game involving non-verbal communication, trust, and an exploration of the body. What positions do you find yourself in while doing the exercise? How are these different from the positions you’re usually in? What muscles must you use while participating in this game? I then had leader and follower switch. I also had them do the game in groups of three, one leader two followers. The leader uses both hands, one follower to each.
The second game was a sculpting game. The participants got in pairs again. One was the sculptor and the other was the clay. The sculptor was not allowed to physically touch her “clay.” Instead, like in “Columbian hypnosis,” she had to use her hands to “mold” her “clay.” So, if I’m the clay, the sculptor would put her hands by my foot and, essentially, lead my foot to where she wanted it to be. She’d do the same with my arms and head, fingers and facial features. While facilitating this game, I asked for words to describe certain things in our environment, like the carpet. The participants would throw out words, I would choose one, and tell them to make a sculpture communicating the word I had chosen. One word was “lazy.” After the sculptures were done, the sculptors would have an art exhibit and view each others sculptures. This process was repeated, this time with the word “change,” after I switched roles. Sculptor was now clay, and vice versa. The purposes for this game were the same as “Columbian hypnosis:” non-verbal communication, trust, and exploring the body. Also, the sculpting game helped in finding a way to use art to express meaning. How would you sculpt “lazy” or “change?” The many results were interesting and unique. No two sculptures were alike.
After my part, Maria then explained what A.R.T. Fusion had been doing with forum theatre. She presented in Romanian, as presenting in English was becoming difficult as she described past projects. She then engaged the participants in an evaluation of the workshop. She laid five pens at intervals on the floor, telling them the pens were a scale by which they would answer the questions she had for them about the workshop, one being the worst or least and five being best or most. Maria asked how people liked the workshop overall, my presentation of forum theatre, and their interest in further researching forum theatre. The answers were varied, but everyone seemed to appreciate the time and energy Maria and I put into the workshop. Therefore, the workshop was a success.
This workshop was the first time, though, that I encountered skepticism about forum theatre. Most of the participants were quite knowledgeable about theatre. Many concerns were brought up about how forum theatre is presented and how participants in forum theatre understand it. One concern was presented where a potential forum theatre participant, encouraged to face his oppression offstage as well as on, loses his job in real life after asking for a raise from his oppressing boss. The concern was about the participant believing that whatever happened within the forum – exploring ways to receive a wage proportional to his hours of work – would translate to real life when he returned to work. This, as well as other concerns, was shared by about half of the workshop participants. Some of them seemed almost annoyed by the seemingly upstart nature of forum theatre and why Boal created it. Part of me began to think I hadn’t presented it adequately, but then I remembered that forum theatre, by its own nature, is very different and alien when compared to regular theatre. Therefore, it shouldn’t be a surprise that some people are a little hesitant to accept it as a worthwhile pursuit. Admittedly, there was probably a time when I felt that way, too.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 15, 2008: La Bohème
Dear Friend,
My day started at three in the morning. Tonight is opening night for Terror Texts at Northwestern College. I contacted the box office to get the number for the Green Room, hoping I could catch the cast before they started warm-ups. A friend, Eugene, answered and said the performance would be at ten in the evening, which meant the cast hadn’t even shown up for make-up and costumes yet. He gave me his cell phone number and I told him I’d call at nine-thirty his time, five-thirty in the morning my time.
I remember these following events as if they were a dream. That I was contacting my friends right before a performance was rather outrageous and exciting to me. I hadn’t spoken with any of them in so long. Also, when my alarm went off at five-thirty I was only half aware of what I was doing, I was so tired. I called and Eugene put me on speaker phone. I’m pretty sure I surprised everyone, told them I loved them, and wished them a great opening night. I couldn’t understand anything anyone was saying on the other end, but I got the impression they appreciated my gesture. I then hung up and went back to bed. After I woke up I had to remind myself that I had, indeed, woken up at five-thirty in the morning and called the United States just to say “hi.” It was a fun memory.
Tonight I saw my very first opera. Giacomo Puccini’s La Bohème was showing tonight at the Opera Naţională Bucureşti (Romanian National Opera in Bucharest.) I had the time and the money and therefore saw no reason why I shouldn’t go. It was quite the experience. If you’re at all familiar with Jonathan Larson’s Rent, you’re close to knowing the story of Puccini’s La Bohème. It follows mainly the romance between poor bohemians Rodolfo and Mimì. Rodolfo is a writer and Mimì is a seamstress with tuberculosis. There’s another romance between Rodolfo’s flatmate Marcello and his old flame Musetta. Throughout the play there’s a dichotomy presented between the two relationships, how Rodolfo and Mimì’s is more virtuous and full of true love than Marcello and Musetta’s.
The performance was great. I was sitting in Box Twenty-Four as opposed to the nosebleed section, which meant I had a great view of the entire stage. As I watched the performance I was keeping in mind how heightened the drama was and how spectacular the experience was meant to be. People go to the opera to be thrilled. Thankfully, as I was being “coerced” into connecting with the characters onstage, I was paid for my time and patience with a horrifically spectacular ending. Mimì, her tuberculosis having gotten worse, dies in the end and the heart-wrenching scene sent a chill down my spine because of the death knell blasted from the leading French horn in the pit. As Rodolfo weeps and holds his deceased love, paper flower petals pour from the cats onto them with the only light onstage being the spot shining down on them. Heightened emotions and silly schmaltziness at its best. It was glorious!
Blessings.
Kailen
My day started at three in the morning. Tonight is opening night for Terror Texts at Northwestern College. I contacted the box office to get the number for the Green Room, hoping I could catch the cast before they started warm-ups. A friend, Eugene, answered and said the performance would be at ten in the evening, which meant the cast hadn’t even shown up for make-up and costumes yet. He gave me his cell phone number and I told him I’d call at nine-thirty his time, five-thirty in the morning my time.
I remember these following events as if they were a dream. That I was contacting my friends right before a performance was rather outrageous and exciting to me. I hadn’t spoken with any of them in so long. Also, when my alarm went off at five-thirty I was only half aware of what I was doing, I was so tired. I called and Eugene put me on speaker phone. I’m pretty sure I surprised everyone, told them I loved them, and wished them a great opening night. I couldn’t understand anything anyone was saying on the other end, but I got the impression they appreciated my gesture. I then hung up and went back to bed. After I woke up I had to remind myself that I had, indeed, woken up at five-thirty in the morning and called the United States just to say “hi.” It was a fun memory.
Tonight I saw my very first opera. Giacomo Puccini’s La Bohème was showing tonight at the Opera Naţională Bucureşti (Romanian National Opera in Bucharest.) I had the time and the money and therefore saw no reason why I shouldn’t go. It was quite the experience. If you’re at all familiar with Jonathan Larson’s Rent, you’re close to knowing the story of Puccini’s La Bohème. It follows mainly the romance between poor bohemians Rodolfo and Mimì. Rodolfo is a writer and Mimì is a seamstress with tuberculosis. There’s another romance between Rodolfo’s flatmate Marcello and his old flame Musetta. Throughout the play there’s a dichotomy presented between the two relationships, how Rodolfo and Mimì’s is more virtuous and full of true love than Marcello and Musetta’s.
The performance was great. I was sitting in Box Twenty-Four as opposed to the nosebleed section, which meant I had a great view of the entire stage. As I watched the performance I was keeping in mind how heightened the drama was and how spectacular the experience was meant to be. People go to the opera to be thrilled. Thankfully, as I was being “coerced” into connecting with the characters onstage, I was paid for my time and patience with a horrifically spectacular ending. Mimì, her tuberculosis having gotten worse, dies in the end and the heart-wrenching scene sent a chill down my spine because of the death knell blasted from the leading French horn in the pit. As Rodolfo weeps and holds his deceased love, paper flower petals pour from the cats onto them with the only light onstage being the spot shining down on them. Heightened emotions and silly schmaltziness at its best. It was glorious!
Blessings.
Kailen
Sunday, November 16, 2008
November 14, 2008: First Interview
Dear Friend,
Alex works for Chance for Life, another organization based in the city that works with forum theatre. When I proposed the idea of doing interviews with the A.R.T. Fusion volunteers, it was suggested I also interview people outside of A.R.T. Fusion who work with forum theatre. It sounded like a good idea. My first interview was with Alex.
According to what I found out from Alex, forum theatre and other Boal practices are slowly making their way in Romania. He told me he started out as a volunteer and is now a coordinator for Chance for Life. He’s worked on forum theatre projects addressing drug abuse in schools, the HIV stigma, and cultural prejudice. He believes very much in the ability to help people take responsibility for social change through the use of forum theatre. He’s had little experience in other forms of theatre but has been to many forum theatre trainings. He insists that people be well enough trained before facilitating and making forum theatre, as the “instrument,” as he called it, is quite complicated and delicate. Forum theatre can and has been used for the wrong reasons. Therefore, full knowledge of the instrument is required in order to use it successfully.
Volunteering in the city is difficult. Alex told me that many of his volunteers have become busy with other things in their lives. One of Alex’s jobs is recruiting, finding a new generation of willing volunteers to make up a new forum theatre troupe. As Romanians are skeptical about volunteering in general and forum theatre specifically, Alex has his work cut out for him. He remains optimistic, though, about the benefits of doing forum theatre and has seen the affect it has of returning responsibility to the people. With more positive outcomes like this, people will become more open to volunteering, whether with an organization or just in their own lives, in making Romania a better place to live.
Blessings.
Kailen
Alex works for Chance for Life, another organization based in the city that works with forum theatre. When I proposed the idea of doing interviews with the A.R.T. Fusion volunteers, it was suggested I also interview people outside of A.R.T. Fusion who work with forum theatre. It sounded like a good idea. My first interview was with Alex.
According to what I found out from Alex, forum theatre and other Boal practices are slowly making their way in Romania. He told me he started out as a volunteer and is now a coordinator for Chance for Life. He’s worked on forum theatre projects addressing drug abuse in schools, the HIV stigma, and cultural prejudice. He believes very much in the ability to help people take responsibility for social change through the use of forum theatre. He’s had little experience in other forms of theatre but has been to many forum theatre trainings. He insists that people be well enough trained before facilitating and making forum theatre, as the “instrument,” as he called it, is quite complicated and delicate. Forum theatre can and has been used for the wrong reasons. Therefore, full knowledge of the instrument is required in order to use it successfully.
Volunteering in the city is difficult. Alex told me that many of his volunteers have become busy with other things in their lives. One of Alex’s jobs is recruiting, finding a new generation of willing volunteers to make up a new forum theatre troupe. As Romanians are skeptical about volunteering in general and forum theatre specifically, Alex has his work cut out for him. He remains optimistic, though, about the benefits of doing forum theatre and has seen the affect it has of returning responsibility to the people. With more positive outcomes like this, people will become more open to volunteering, whether with an organization or just in their own lives, in making Romania a better place to live.
Blessings.
Kailen
Saturday, November 15, 2008
November 13, 2008: Money to Mouth
Dear Friend,
“Our core problem, says St. Augustine, is that the human heart, ignoring God, turns in on itself, tries to lift itself, wants to please itself, and ends up debasing itself.[1]”
“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.[2]”
“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water.[3]”
“People get fascinated with how they feel – and with how they feel about how they feel. In such a culture and in the throes of such fascination, the self exists to be explored, indulged, and express but not disciplined or restrained.[4]”
“Sin is both wrong and dumb.[5]”
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.[6]”
(“So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.[7]”)
“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heave and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heave, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.[8]”
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.[9]”
“Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you.[10]”
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it – he will be blessed in what he does.[11]”
“O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.[12]”
“If we confess our sings, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sings and purify us from all unrighteousness.[13]”
“Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to you great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
And done what is evil in your sight,
So that you are proved right when you speak
And justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take you Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will transgressors you ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who save me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.[14]”
“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.[15]”
“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation – if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.[16]”
“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.[17]’”
“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[18]”
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.[19]”
“The Bible’s big double message is creation and redemption.[20]”
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessings in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will – to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment – to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under on head, even Christ.[21]”
“In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.[22]”
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of you mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.[23]”
Blessings.
Kailen
[1] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1995. pg. 62.
[2] Romans 7:14-15, NIV
[3] Jeremiah 2:13, NIV
[4] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1995. pg. 83.
[5] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1995. pg. 121
[6] Romans 7:18-19, NIV
[7] Revelations 3:16, NIV
[8] Colossians 1:15-20, NIV
[9] James 4:7-10, NIV
[10] Revelations 3:2-3, NIV
[11] James 1:22-25, NIV
[12] Psalm 139:1-4, NIV
[13] 1 John 1:9, NIV
[14] Psalm 51, NIV
[15] Ephesians 2:1-10, NIV
[16] Colossians 1:21-23, NIV
[17] John 14:6, NIV
[18] Colossians 2:13-15, NIV
[19] 1 John 1:5-7, NIV
[20] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1995. pg. 87.
[21] Ephesians 1:3-10, NIV
[22] Philippians 1:4-6, NIV
[23] Romans 12:1-2, NIV
“Our core problem, says St. Augustine, is that the human heart, ignoring God, turns in on itself, tries to lift itself, wants to please itself, and ends up debasing itself.[1]”
“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.[2]”
“My people have committed two sins:
They have forsaken me,
the spring of living water,
and have dug their own cisterns,
broken cisterns that cannot hold water.[3]”
“People get fascinated with how they feel – and with how they feel about how they feel. In such a culture and in the throes of such fascination, the self exists to be explored, indulged, and express but not disciplined or restrained.[4]”
“Sin is both wrong and dumb.[5]”
“I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.[6]”
(“So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.[7]”)
“He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heave and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heave, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.[8]”
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.[9]”
“Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have not found your deeds complete in the sight of my God. Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; obey it, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you.[10]”
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it – he will be blessed in what he does.[11]”
“O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.[12]”
“If we confess our sings, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sings and purify us from all unrighteousness.[13]”
“Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to you great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
And cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
And my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
And done what is evil in your sight,
So that you are proved right when you speak
And justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take you Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will transgressors you ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who save me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.[14]”
“As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.[15]”
“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation – if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.[16]”
“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.[17]’”
“When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.[18]”
“This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.[19]”
“The Bible’s big double message is creation and redemption.[20]”
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessings in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will – to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment – to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under on head, even Christ.[21]”
“In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.[22]”
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of you mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.[23]”
Blessings.
Kailen
[1] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1995. pg. 62.
[2] Romans 7:14-15, NIV
[3] Jeremiah 2:13, NIV
[4] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1995. pg. 83.
[5] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1995. pg. 121
[6] Romans 7:18-19, NIV
[7] Revelations 3:16, NIV
[8] Colossians 1:15-20, NIV
[9] James 4:7-10, NIV
[10] Revelations 3:2-3, NIV
[11] James 1:22-25, NIV
[12] Psalm 139:1-4, NIV
[13] 1 John 1:9, NIV
[14] Psalm 51, NIV
[15] Ephesians 2:1-10, NIV
[16] Colossians 1:21-23, NIV
[17] John 14:6, NIV
[18] Colossians 2:13-15, NIV
[19] 1 John 1:5-7, NIV
[20] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans, 1995. pg. 87.
[21] Ephesians 1:3-10, NIV
[22] Philippians 1:4-6, NIV
[23] Romans 12:1-2, NIV
November 12, 2008: Rewriting History
Dear Friend,
History, everyone knows, is about perspective. That’s what’s beautiful about it. Everyone has a perspective. What isn’t so beautiful about history, though, is the perspective often chosen to represent the overriding history. I’m not talking about the general recounting of a horrific battle or plague. Those things are indeed ugly. I’m referring, instead, to the fact that the domineering power, class, peoples, what have you are usually the ones who write the history we’re familiar with. We don’t always here from the lower class. By “we” I mean middle class Americans.
That was my paragraph homage to the oppressed. What I really want to address is not rewriting history so that it’s “correct,” but rather rewriting history so that it makes sense in my curriculum. After having read three Augusto Boal books, all chocked full of goodies, and having a four year theatre major under my belt, writing a condensed history of forum theatre is rather difficult. However, one is usually able to write when one starts writing, which is what I did. Sadly, I’m still stuck in Ancient Greece explaining Aristotle and catharsis, without explaining Boal’s perspective (there’s that word again) on the subject. The trick is to take graduate level material (you read correctly, I wrote “graduate level”) and making it available to high school students whose first inklings of doing theatre are probably taking this course that I’m writing. The pressures on. What fun!
I won’t bore you with the details of the history now, as it’s quite long and not even finished yet. However, I’ll post a copy of the history when I’ve completed it. For now, know that I’ve done what every theatre historian (including Boal) has done and have mentioned Hamlet as an example to explain my points. Boal believes that the doing is what makes you what you’re doing. If you’re dancing, you’re a dancer. If you’re singing, you’re a singer. It doesn’t matter the training. You’re doing, which means you are. That being said, I’m a theatre historian because I’ve done what every theatre historian has done: used Hamlet as an example (ha!) There is a post-undergrad career for me after all!
Blessings.
Kailen
History, everyone knows, is about perspective. That’s what’s beautiful about it. Everyone has a perspective. What isn’t so beautiful about history, though, is the perspective often chosen to represent the overriding history. I’m not talking about the general recounting of a horrific battle or plague. Those things are indeed ugly. I’m referring, instead, to the fact that the domineering power, class, peoples, what have you are usually the ones who write the history we’re familiar with. We don’t always here from the lower class. By “we” I mean middle class Americans.
That was my paragraph homage to the oppressed. What I really want to address is not rewriting history so that it’s “correct,” but rather rewriting history so that it makes sense in my curriculum. After having read three Augusto Boal books, all chocked full of goodies, and having a four year theatre major under my belt, writing a condensed history of forum theatre is rather difficult. However, one is usually able to write when one starts writing, which is what I did. Sadly, I’m still stuck in Ancient Greece explaining Aristotle and catharsis, without explaining Boal’s perspective (there’s that word again) on the subject. The trick is to take graduate level material (you read correctly, I wrote “graduate level”) and making it available to high school students whose first inklings of doing theatre are probably taking this course that I’m writing. The pressures on. What fun!
I won’t bore you with the details of the history now, as it’s quite long and not even finished yet. However, I’ll post a copy of the history when I’ve completed it. For now, know that I’ve done what every theatre historian (including Boal) has done and have mentioned Hamlet as an example to explain my points. Boal believes that the doing is what makes you what you’re doing. If you’re dancing, you’re a dancer. If you’re singing, you’re a singer. It doesn’t matter the training. You’re doing, which means you are. That being said, I’m a theatre historian because I’ve done what every theatre historian has done: used Hamlet as an example (ha!) There is a post-undergrad career for me after all!
Blessings.
Kailen
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
November 11, 2008: Laughter in Chaos and Life Lessons Learned
Dear Friend,
The Internet wasn’t available today. The Internet people don’t do house calls during the day, and it’s likely they won’t be showing up in the evening either. It’s not the Internet connection coming to the office, but rather our router. There’s always something.
I managed to call Mom today, something I didn’t think I could do with my cell phone. I originally thought I wasn’t able to make international calls with the phone I was provided, but wanted that option for my eventual trip to Kosice. To my great surprise, I found out I could call outside Romania, so I called Mom. I ended up running out of minutes or credit or whatever you call them. The things you put into your phone so you can call people. See, I don’t even know what I’m talking about. Thankfully, someone else in the office, Roxana, offered her phone so I could finish my call.
As I was out of minutes, I needed to go buy more. Roxana had to run a couple of errands for the office, so she invited me to see if we could find a Vodafone shop (Vodafone is the company that made my phone.) We went to a nearby market and bought the things needed for the office – toilet paper and the like – but didn’t manage to find a Vodafone shop. As I had already finished my call with Mom, it didn’t really matter to me if I got the minutes today or later. I ended up just going along to carry the groceries, which was fine by me.
I did quite a bit of laughing during our shopping, as many people were honking their horns. It was around five o’clock that we had set out and everyone was heading home, which meant the streets were once again packed with idling vehicles. As I had mentioned about Lupeni, people seem to think that laying on the horn during rush hour will somehow make the cars move or move faster. As there were no cars that were moving, this meant the everyone was becoming impatient and taking their turns in honking their horns, almost as if someone was invisibly conducting a symphony of beeps, each with its own unique pitch. This had to have been the case, as there was no one, visible or invisible, conducting traffic. Roxana commented that she was glad I was entertained by the chaos. It comes with the life, I guess.
On our way home, Diana and I had a conversation which entailed some of our recent thoughts and experiences. I confessed once again how sorry I was that forming relationships with the volunteers had been so difficult to accomplish. Only three weeks were left and I was just beginning to warm up to them, as they were to me. Diana told me that many had commented on how I was beginning to open up. This discussion led into one about the challenges and sacrifices one makes when he or she considers what it means to truly be a Christian, what it means to truly live for Christ, what it means to truly pick up your cross. I confessed I was afraid by many of those thoughts, afraid of the answers to the questions I was asking about true service. True service meant the need for true faith, which was really scary to me.
I am indeed becoming much more comfortable with people, Diana especially. I’m able to share just about anything with her and she’s able to put things into perspective for me. Tonight she commented on how she sometimes has arguments with others when her own faith is weak, yet how arguments are normal. She told me that: arguments are normal. That’s true. We’re human. It was, in my mind, another allowance for me to be human and also for others to be human: fallible and imperfect. I’ve been learning a lot about grace and Diana’s comments about arguing, among other comments she made, began to take root in my mind. Grace is so important if we ever hope to provide true service. I realized that night that we could all afford to give each other more grace and thereby be able to achieve something closer to understanding, closer to service, and closer to shalom.
Blessings.
Kailen
The Internet wasn’t available today. The Internet people don’t do house calls during the day, and it’s likely they won’t be showing up in the evening either. It’s not the Internet connection coming to the office, but rather our router. There’s always something.
I managed to call Mom today, something I didn’t think I could do with my cell phone. I originally thought I wasn’t able to make international calls with the phone I was provided, but wanted that option for my eventual trip to Kosice. To my great surprise, I found out I could call outside Romania, so I called Mom. I ended up running out of minutes or credit or whatever you call them. The things you put into your phone so you can call people. See, I don’t even know what I’m talking about. Thankfully, someone else in the office, Roxana, offered her phone so I could finish my call.
As I was out of minutes, I needed to go buy more. Roxana had to run a couple of errands for the office, so she invited me to see if we could find a Vodafone shop (Vodafone is the company that made my phone.) We went to a nearby market and bought the things needed for the office – toilet paper and the like – but didn’t manage to find a Vodafone shop. As I had already finished my call with Mom, it didn’t really matter to me if I got the minutes today or later. I ended up just going along to carry the groceries, which was fine by me.
I did quite a bit of laughing during our shopping, as many people were honking their horns. It was around five o’clock that we had set out and everyone was heading home, which meant the streets were once again packed with idling vehicles. As I had mentioned about Lupeni, people seem to think that laying on the horn during rush hour will somehow make the cars move or move faster. As there were no cars that were moving, this meant the everyone was becoming impatient and taking their turns in honking their horns, almost as if someone was invisibly conducting a symphony of beeps, each with its own unique pitch. This had to have been the case, as there was no one, visible or invisible, conducting traffic. Roxana commented that she was glad I was entertained by the chaos. It comes with the life, I guess.
On our way home, Diana and I had a conversation which entailed some of our recent thoughts and experiences. I confessed once again how sorry I was that forming relationships with the volunteers had been so difficult to accomplish. Only three weeks were left and I was just beginning to warm up to them, as they were to me. Diana told me that many had commented on how I was beginning to open up. This discussion led into one about the challenges and sacrifices one makes when he or she considers what it means to truly be a Christian, what it means to truly live for Christ, what it means to truly pick up your cross. I confessed I was afraid by many of those thoughts, afraid of the answers to the questions I was asking about true service. True service meant the need for true faith, which was really scary to me.
I am indeed becoming much more comfortable with people, Diana especially. I’m able to share just about anything with her and she’s able to put things into perspective for me. Tonight she commented on how she sometimes has arguments with others when her own faith is weak, yet how arguments are normal. She told me that: arguments are normal. That’s true. We’re human. It was, in my mind, another allowance for me to be human and also for others to be human: fallible and imperfect. I’ve been learning a lot about grace and Diana’s comments about arguing, among other comments she made, began to take root in my mind. Grace is so important if we ever hope to provide true service. I realized that night that we could all afford to give each other more grace and thereby be able to achieve something closer to understanding, closer to service, and closer to shalom.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 10, 2008: The Return
Dear Friend,
I tried not to think too much about it during the week, succeeded in doing so most of the time, but when this day finally arrived my mind was on saying goodbye. The morning was spent, unfortunately, watching a movie about abortion in Romania. The study abroad students have to watch films each week pertaining to some aspect of life in Romania. It was actually a movie, not a documentary or filmed interviews. Halfway through the film I ended up leaving the room and going somewhere else in Janelle and Daniel’s apartment, where the film was being shown. I felt bad for the others, especially the girls, as they were required to view the entire film. As I was visiting, I didn’t have to and, quite frankly, didn’t want to.
Goodbye was a little easier than it had been last time. Everyone assured me that we’d be seeing each other in three weeks. They also told me the usual: stay safe and out of trouble. I managed to see Jelena, Iuliana, and Ilie before leaving, which was nice. Hollyann waited with me for the maxi taxi, which I greatly appreciated. You really begin to truly appreciate people you love when the alternative is a loneliness you’re all too familiar with.
I managed to get to the train station and purchase my ticket without any dilemma. On the way back to Bucureşti, I finished reading Aesthetics of the Oppressed. My compartment company was silent, as usual. My body was definitely feeling the exhaustion of long travel, so much so that I was running on autopilot all the way back to Diana’s flat. While on autopilot, though, I was thinking about how this was going to work for traveling to Kosice in a couple weeks. The Bucureşti-Budapest train Daniel showed me online is a thirteen-plus hour trip. I was considering first class for that trip on my way back to Diana’s, thinking that maybe that would help to alleviate some of the less appreciated aspects of long distance travel, i.e. the physical exhaustion of traveling in second class. We'll have to see.
Blessings.
Kailen
I tried not to think too much about it during the week, succeeded in doing so most of the time, but when this day finally arrived my mind was on saying goodbye. The morning was spent, unfortunately, watching a movie about abortion in Romania. The study abroad students have to watch films each week pertaining to some aspect of life in Romania. It was actually a movie, not a documentary or filmed interviews. Halfway through the film I ended up leaving the room and going somewhere else in Janelle and Daniel’s apartment, where the film was being shown. I felt bad for the others, especially the girls, as they were required to view the entire film. As I was visiting, I didn’t have to and, quite frankly, didn’t want to.
Goodbye was a little easier than it had been last time. Everyone assured me that we’d be seeing each other in three weeks. They also told me the usual: stay safe and out of trouble. I managed to see Jelena, Iuliana, and Ilie before leaving, which was nice. Hollyann waited with me for the maxi taxi, which I greatly appreciated. You really begin to truly appreciate people you love when the alternative is a loneliness you’re all too familiar with.
I managed to get to the train station and purchase my ticket without any dilemma. On the way back to Bucureşti, I finished reading Aesthetics of the Oppressed. My compartment company was silent, as usual. My body was definitely feeling the exhaustion of long travel, so much so that I was running on autopilot all the way back to Diana’s flat. While on autopilot, though, I was thinking about how this was going to work for traveling to Kosice in a couple weeks. The Bucureşti-Budapest train Daniel showed me online is a thirteen-plus hour trip. I was considering first class for that trip on my way back to Diana’s, thinking that maybe that would help to alleviate some of the less appreciated aspects of long distance travel, i.e. the physical exhaustion of traveling in second class. We'll have to see.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 9, 2008: Never Forget
Dear Friend,
Apple pie greeted us in the morning. So did noodles and cabbage, the healthy part of breakfast, but what Andrew and I had smelled last night was the apple pie that waited for us in the oven at the end of breakfast. It was baked in a pan and not a tin, was square and not round, but it was apple pie alright, or some distant Romanian cousin of apple pie. Coming from the perspective of two Midwest boys who have grown up with the ideology of the apple pie, we had great reverence for what we were partaking in this morning.
Andrew likes to talk. I’ve already established that, and also how much I appreciate how proactive he is about asking questions and, thereby, getting to know people. He was the one who was the most talkative on the way to Horezu. This morning we had another conversation, this time about theological topics, which tend to be his favorite. Breakfast ended up being a good half an hour, forty minute ordeal when all was said and done, said and eaten. I also have a new roommate for next semester, as he had asked this weekend. He didn’t have anywhere in mind to live, or who he’d live with, but I had my plans already laid out, so it just made sense. This way, I’ll be able to have endless theological discussions until the end of the semester. Andrew and I will change the world (ha!) It was a well spent breakfast.
Today was a work day for everyone. Yesterday I had helped them a little with their projects, which are workshops for improving the leadership skills of the volunteers leading the IMPACT groups in Lupeni. As I had already led a workshop, they wanted to use my experience. Today, though, was just finessing the outline. I read a little bit of Boal’s Aesthetics of the Oppressed, the final book I have to write a paper on for my directed study.
Chelsea, Anne, Hollyann, and I went to Mamma Mia’s for supper, a restaurant near the office I had only been to once. We managed to find a table for two situated in a corner of the non-smoking section. The non-smoking section is kind of a joke in Romania, as the smoking section happens to be just on the other side of the room. In an open space like that of Mamma Mia’s, the entire place might as well be for smoking. We grabbed two more chairs and squeezed ourselves cozily in the corner, ordered our food, and discussed the movie we’ll all watch tomorrow morning. I don’t have to watch it, but I’m in the area and have nothing else to do. Unfortunately, the movie is about abortion, so I’ll be ending my visit on a somewhat morbid note. The conversation, therefore, was quite serious.
Anne, Hollyann, and I spent a bit more time in the restaurant than Chelsea. She had to contact some people back home using Skype, an instrument I have not yet learned how to use. The three of us continued our ongoing conversation about the impending end of our semester abroad. Each of us expressed concerns mainly about our return to the States, as opposed to our leaving Romania. Reintegrating ourselves into home, into Northwestern, even into our families gives us pause, as we’ve obviously just experienced a prolonged life-changing experience that everyone back home, arguably, hasn’t experienced. However, not only will we have to find a way to deal with not being able to explain to our loved ones – family, friends, professors, etc. – in such a way that they’ll understand that we’re not the same people we were when we left, but we’ll also have to cope with the realization that our loved ones aren’t the same as they were when we left. Arguably, we’ve all encountered some life-changing experiences. Ours, it can be argued, have just been more heightened and isolated because of our circumstances.
We also don’t want to forget, which probably was the greatest concern we shared. We each confessed that, after we return, we’re afraid we’ll forget, or at least our concerns are such that they boil down to some form of forgetting. We don’t want to forget our time here. That was my greatest concern, that I’d return home and think that all I’d experienced in Romania was just another semester. I don’t want to forget, either what I experienced or what each experience meant. Each of us also expressed a desire to not forget the friendships we forged during our time here, primarily the friendships we forged with each other. We’ll all be busy when we get back, but we wanted our friendships to be such that we could call each other up and hang out, even just for the heck of it. So often, groups like these are formed and they decide they all want to be friends. However, after the group has broken up, none of them proactively maintain their friendships. It’s not necessarily a sin, but it’s sad, and Anne, Hollyann, and I shared tonight our desires to proactively remain friends after our return. Here’s hoping that may happen for each of us.
I leave tomorrow, and I don’t want to think about it. I really love Lupeni and I’m going to miss my friends. Granted, there are only three weeks left, but with all the adjustments I’ve had to make in the past months, I’m beginning to feel, in some regard, what could be an adult’s understanding of how the world of relationships is composed of a lot of hellos and goodbyes, both seemingly happening soon after each other more and more the older you get. As I grow and mature, more of my friends move father away, and my goodbyes become much more frequent. Soon I’ll graduate, and what will that mean? Maybe my separation in the city is, in some way, preparing me for that time. Whatever the reasons may be for any of this, the bittersweet and aching feeling is one I’m not entirely satisfied with, but one I know I’ll have to learn to cope with. Maybe this is the longing for the kingdom of heaven that Paul mentions in his letters. A longing for shalom.
Blessings.
Kailen
Apple pie greeted us in the morning. So did noodles and cabbage, the healthy part of breakfast, but what Andrew and I had smelled last night was the apple pie that waited for us in the oven at the end of breakfast. It was baked in a pan and not a tin, was square and not round, but it was apple pie alright, or some distant Romanian cousin of apple pie. Coming from the perspective of two Midwest boys who have grown up with the ideology of the apple pie, we had great reverence for what we were partaking in this morning.
Andrew likes to talk. I’ve already established that, and also how much I appreciate how proactive he is about asking questions and, thereby, getting to know people. He was the one who was the most talkative on the way to Horezu. This morning we had another conversation, this time about theological topics, which tend to be his favorite. Breakfast ended up being a good half an hour, forty minute ordeal when all was said and done, said and eaten. I also have a new roommate for next semester, as he had asked this weekend. He didn’t have anywhere in mind to live, or who he’d live with, but I had my plans already laid out, so it just made sense. This way, I’ll be able to have endless theological discussions until the end of the semester. Andrew and I will change the world (ha!) It was a well spent breakfast.
Today was a work day for everyone. Yesterday I had helped them a little with their projects, which are workshops for improving the leadership skills of the volunteers leading the IMPACT groups in Lupeni. As I had already led a workshop, they wanted to use my experience. Today, though, was just finessing the outline. I read a little bit of Boal’s Aesthetics of the Oppressed, the final book I have to write a paper on for my directed study.
Chelsea, Anne, Hollyann, and I went to Mamma Mia’s for supper, a restaurant near the office I had only been to once. We managed to find a table for two situated in a corner of the non-smoking section. The non-smoking section is kind of a joke in Romania, as the smoking section happens to be just on the other side of the room. In an open space like that of Mamma Mia’s, the entire place might as well be for smoking. We grabbed two more chairs and squeezed ourselves cozily in the corner, ordered our food, and discussed the movie we’ll all watch tomorrow morning. I don’t have to watch it, but I’m in the area and have nothing else to do. Unfortunately, the movie is about abortion, so I’ll be ending my visit on a somewhat morbid note. The conversation, therefore, was quite serious.
Anne, Hollyann, and I spent a bit more time in the restaurant than Chelsea. She had to contact some people back home using Skype, an instrument I have not yet learned how to use. The three of us continued our ongoing conversation about the impending end of our semester abroad. Each of us expressed concerns mainly about our return to the States, as opposed to our leaving Romania. Reintegrating ourselves into home, into Northwestern, even into our families gives us pause, as we’ve obviously just experienced a prolonged life-changing experience that everyone back home, arguably, hasn’t experienced. However, not only will we have to find a way to deal with not being able to explain to our loved ones – family, friends, professors, etc. – in such a way that they’ll understand that we’re not the same people we were when we left, but we’ll also have to cope with the realization that our loved ones aren’t the same as they were when we left. Arguably, we’ve all encountered some life-changing experiences. Ours, it can be argued, have just been more heightened and isolated because of our circumstances.
We also don’t want to forget, which probably was the greatest concern we shared. We each confessed that, after we return, we’re afraid we’ll forget, or at least our concerns are such that they boil down to some form of forgetting. We don’t want to forget our time here. That was my greatest concern, that I’d return home and think that all I’d experienced in Romania was just another semester. I don’t want to forget, either what I experienced or what each experience meant. Each of us also expressed a desire to not forget the friendships we forged during our time here, primarily the friendships we forged with each other. We’ll all be busy when we get back, but we wanted our friendships to be such that we could call each other up and hang out, even just for the heck of it. So often, groups like these are formed and they decide they all want to be friends. However, after the group has broken up, none of them proactively maintain their friendships. It’s not necessarily a sin, but it’s sad, and Anne, Hollyann, and I shared tonight our desires to proactively remain friends after our return. Here’s hoping that may happen for each of us.
I leave tomorrow, and I don’t want to think about it. I really love Lupeni and I’m going to miss my friends. Granted, there are only three weeks left, but with all the adjustments I’ve had to make in the past months, I’m beginning to feel, in some regard, what could be an adult’s understanding of how the world of relationships is composed of a lot of hellos and goodbyes, both seemingly happening soon after each other more and more the older you get. As I grow and mature, more of my friends move father away, and my goodbyes become much more frequent. Soon I’ll graduate, and what will that mean? Maybe my separation in the city is, in some way, preparing me for that time. Whatever the reasons may be for any of this, the bittersweet and aching feeling is one I’m not entirely satisfied with, but one I know I’ll have to learn to cope with. Maybe this is the longing for the kingdom of heaven that Paul mentions in his letters. A longing for shalom.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 8, 2008: Three Weeks Left
Dear Friend,
Well, the inevitable happened. I woke up with a scratchy sensation in the back of my throat again. This meant I would have to be pumping fluids all day. Water tastes great when you’re thirsty or even when you’re taking it in at regular intervals during the day. When you’re sick, though, forcing water into your body just becomes a chore. Luckily, the scratchiness wasn’t too terribly bad, which meant it would be gone by the end of the day.
I had breakfast with Tibi, something I missed since my move. We did a little bit of catching up, but not much. In all honesty, there was so much catching up today that I can’t remember entirely every subject discussed. If I did and ended up writing out everything in this entry, it would turn into more than just an article, a term that has been given to my blog entries by the study abroad students. I’m very long winded, and they’ve attributed that quality to my writing as well.
In short, I will say that the day was very well spent in sharing with everyone. I was able to catch up with everyone and have well meaning, philosophical conversations as if I hadn’t moved at all. We just picked up where we left off. One common theme that seemed to show up in my conversations with each person was how they couldn’t believe there were only three weeks left. Everyone admitted they were having such an amazing experience in Lupeni – with their studies, projects, relationships – that the thought it was going to end rather soon was almost unthinkable. Even though they were each missing home, none of them really wanted to leave. That would mean that all that was happening for them in Lupeni would end.
I helped Chelsea make spaghetti and grilled cheese as we waited for everyone to show up for supper at apartment “Lucy.” The apartment is named after C.S. Lewis’ beloved heroine in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Everyone is now living in apartments; Andrew with Tibi; Chelsea, Solita, and Hollyann in apartment “Lucy;” and Anne and Stacey in apartment Eight with Jelena, which happens to be right below Janelle and Daniel’s apartment. Tonight everyone was invited to “Lucy” for supper, to hang out and eventually watch a movie. Not everyone stayed for the movie – The Count of Monte Cristo, a very good movie – but everyone had supper.
In no time, it seemed, the day was over and it was time for us all to go to our respective “homes” and go to bed. It seemed not so much that the day was going by fast, but that time was just bulldozing along. Bulldozers don’t move very fast, but they move and nothing can really get in its way to stop it. It was a daunting sensation, that something just keeps going without anything or anyone able to stop it. Andrew and I made our way in the cold back to Tibi’s, where we were welcomed with the warm and intoxicating smell of cooking. All the lights were out and Tibi had gone to bed, he had been cooking. We didn’t know what he had been cooking, but it smelled really good. A morning surprise, we decided as we got ready for bed. Something nice to wake up to.
Blessings.
Kailen
Well, the inevitable happened. I woke up with a scratchy sensation in the back of my throat again. This meant I would have to be pumping fluids all day. Water tastes great when you’re thirsty or even when you’re taking it in at regular intervals during the day. When you’re sick, though, forcing water into your body just becomes a chore. Luckily, the scratchiness wasn’t too terribly bad, which meant it would be gone by the end of the day.
I had breakfast with Tibi, something I missed since my move. We did a little bit of catching up, but not much. In all honesty, there was so much catching up today that I can’t remember entirely every subject discussed. If I did and ended up writing out everything in this entry, it would turn into more than just an article, a term that has been given to my blog entries by the study abroad students. I’m very long winded, and they’ve attributed that quality to my writing as well.
In short, I will say that the day was very well spent in sharing with everyone. I was able to catch up with everyone and have well meaning, philosophical conversations as if I hadn’t moved at all. We just picked up where we left off. One common theme that seemed to show up in my conversations with each person was how they couldn’t believe there were only three weeks left. Everyone admitted they were having such an amazing experience in Lupeni – with their studies, projects, relationships – that the thought it was going to end rather soon was almost unthinkable. Even though they were each missing home, none of them really wanted to leave. That would mean that all that was happening for them in Lupeni would end.
I helped Chelsea make spaghetti and grilled cheese as we waited for everyone to show up for supper at apartment “Lucy.” The apartment is named after C.S. Lewis’ beloved heroine in The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Everyone is now living in apartments; Andrew with Tibi; Chelsea, Solita, and Hollyann in apartment “Lucy;” and Anne and Stacey in apartment Eight with Jelena, which happens to be right below Janelle and Daniel’s apartment. Tonight everyone was invited to “Lucy” for supper, to hang out and eventually watch a movie. Not everyone stayed for the movie – The Count of Monte Cristo, a very good movie – but everyone had supper.
In no time, it seemed, the day was over and it was time for us all to go to our respective “homes” and go to bed. It seemed not so much that the day was going by fast, but that time was just bulldozing along. Bulldozers don’t move very fast, but they move and nothing can really get in its way to stop it. It was a daunting sensation, that something just keeps going without anything or anyone able to stop it. Andrew and I made our way in the cold back to Tibi’s, where we were welcomed with the warm and intoxicating smell of cooking. All the lights were out and Tibi had gone to bed, he had been cooking. We didn’t know what he had been cooking, but it smelled really good. A morning surprise, we decided as we got ready for bed. Something nice to wake up to.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 7, 2008: Horezu
Dear Friend,
Last night at eleven forty-five I boarded a train to Lupeni. I had been planning on visiting the others this weekend and could only find a midnight train. Despite the cold, night air outside, I had the compartment window open the whole ride. There are heaters of some kind underneath the seats that were turning the compartment into a sauna. It wasn’t the most comfortable. Luck for me, there were only two other guys in the compartment with me and they let me stretch out across the other seats next to me to get some rest.
This morning, I woke up (if I ever did sleep) a little after five o’clock. The compartment was still baking from the heater underneath the seats. I repacked my luggage, and then stuck my head out the window of the car. It was pitch black, except for the occasional mountain town we passed, lit up by street lights. In about forty-five minutes after I awoke, we arrived in Petroşani, to my great relief. My first lone train venture was a success. Now I needed to get to Lupeni.
During my time in Lupeni a month and a half ago, I hadn’t used the maxi taxis. They’re essentially mini-busses, usually packed to the brim with people, implying a greatly claustrophobic environment. Tibi’s was in walking distance from the office anyway, so there wasn’t a need to pay for transportation. However, Lupeni is not in walking distance of Petroşani and regular taxis are quite expensive for such a long distance. So, now began my next adventure, which was finding and surviving a maxi taxi. It was a cultural experience, being crammed in the vehicle with an interesting assortment of early morning travelers, including those who chose not to shower when they woke up. The thought in my head, as we got closer to Lupeni, involved the possibility of the vehicle turning over and all of us being trapped inside. I got out earlier than necessary, if only for the open space and air.
I can’t really describe the happiness I had in seeing the familiar Lupeni. My excitement was building as I walked past Penny Market into the park right across from the New Horizons office I had spent so much time in. I sat down in the park and did my devotions. Janelle had requested I not come knocking until quarter to eight, as she wanted to sleep in a much as she could. The group would be traveling to Horezu today, which meant, understandably, that having as much sleep as possible would help. So, I waited awhile in the park, breathed the crisp, cold air, considered the possibility that I might get sick, and then went for a walk. In rather short time, seven fifty rolled around, and I made my way to Janelle and Daniel’s apartment.
I was now very happy to see my friends, though only Janelle and Daniel were present. Janelle and I had been in periodic contact up until this point, trying to figure out schedules in order to make my arrival and stay more convenient for everyone involved. I was also hoping to make my arrival a surprise, which Janelle was heavily involved in maintaining. The “surprise plan,” though, was suspended in fragile ambiguity, as more than just Janelle, Daniel, and I knew about my visit. It was quite possible the visit would not be as much of a surprise as I would wish. So what!
I exited the block, wherein Janelle and Daniel’s apartment is located, to many happy shouts of “Kailen!” as we walked to the van. I found out that some had known I was coming, but everyone was very happy to see me. I also don’t think that any of them were expecting me to arrive this early. During the entire trip to Horezu, people took turns making sure I was doing alright, as it was obvious I had not slept well on the train, had arrived in Lupeni at the literal crack of dawn, and hadn’t eaten much of anything for some time. I think it was my excitement and subsequent adrenaline that was keeping me going during the day.
We made several stops during the day. Stacey and Solita had presentations about certain sites, one was a statue and another was an Orthodox church. We then went to a market, where we spent a good hour and a half looking at different shops selling pottery and woodworks. I was amused by the collections of rather large wooden spoons I found in most of the shops. By the end of the trip, we were all ready to get back to Lupeni. The weather had been overcast the entire day, so our energy and interest was draining quicker than usual. I admit that I just about dozed off completely on our way back.
The night ended at Pizza Planet, where all of it had begun in Lupeni two months ago. For some reason, it was at this point that I truly felt we were all in college. I mean, this is what college students do, go out with friends and enjoy each other’s company. College friends also find symbolic ways of showing their connection. Everyone in last year’s study abroad group got piercings, a symbol that they were all involved in the same experience and therefore connected to each other. This present group had decided on getting rings. During their Bulgaria-Greece tour a couple weeks ago, Anne and Hollyann had spent some time perusing selections of rings in the attempt to find the right one for me. The girls each got trinity rings, which are rings made of three, thin bands linked together to form the ring. Arguably more feminine, the girls decided not to get trinity rings for Andrew and me. Instead, they got us eternity rings, rings with a design etched on the outside that doesn’t have a beginning or end. All this they told me as they presented mine to me tonight at Pizza Planet. Apparently Hollyann “knew” my ring size and Anne “knew” what ring design best suited me. (My isolation of “knew” isn’t meant to poke fun, but rather to express my gratitude for having friends who do indeed “know” me so well as to care about the type of ring they buy me.) These kinds of things happen in college. This is what college friends do.
I was very happy to finally get to Tibi’s, where I was staying for the weekend, as my adrenaline had finally run out. I mechanically took out my contacts, brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed. Andrew was doing his nightly baseball workout, which didn’t bother me at all. Once I got into bed and my head hit the pillow I was out. Sleep was finally mine for the taking.
Blessings.
Kailen
Last night at eleven forty-five I boarded a train to Lupeni. I had been planning on visiting the others this weekend and could only find a midnight train. Despite the cold, night air outside, I had the compartment window open the whole ride. There are heaters of some kind underneath the seats that were turning the compartment into a sauna. It wasn’t the most comfortable. Luck for me, there were only two other guys in the compartment with me and they let me stretch out across the other seats next to me to get some rest.
This morning, I woke up (if I ever did sleep) a little after five o’clock. The compartment was still baking from the heater underneath the seats. I repacked my luggage, and then stuck my head out the window of the car. It was pitch black, except for the occasional mountain town we passed, lit up by street lights. In about forty-five minutes after I awoke, we arrived in Petroşani, to my great relief. My first lone train venture was a success. Now I needed to get to Lupeni.
During my time in Lupeni a month and a half ago, I hadn’t used the maxi taxis. They’re essentially mini-busses, usually packed to the brim with people, implying a greatly claustrophobic environment. Tibi’s was in walking distance from the office anyway, so there wasn’t a need to pay for transportation. However, Lupeni is not in walking distance of Petroşani and regular taxis are quite expensive for such a long distance. So, now began my next adventure, which was finding and surviving a maxi taxi. It was a cultural experience, being crammed in the vehicle with an interesting assortment of early morning travelers, including those who chose not to shower when they woke up. The thought in my head, as we got closer to Lupeni, involved the possibility of the vehicle turning over and all of us being trapped inside. I got out earlier than necessary, if only for the open space and air.
I can’t really describe the happiness I had in seeing the familiar Lupeni. My excitement was building as I walked past Penny Market into the park right across from the New Horizons office I had spent so much time in. I sat down in the park and did my devotions. Janelle had requested I not come knocking until quarter to eight, as she wanted to sleep in a much as she could. The group would be traveling to Horezu today, which meant, understandably, that having as much sleep as possible would help. So, I waited awhile in the park, breathed the crisp, cold air, considered the possibility that I might get sick, and then went for a walk. In rather short time, seven fifty rolled around, and I made my way to Janelle and Daniel’s apartment.
I was now very happy to see my friends, though only Janelle and Daniel were present. Janelle and I had been in periodic contact up until this point, trying to figure out schedules in order to make my arrival and stay more convenient for everyone involved. I was also hoping to make my arrival a surprise, which Janelle was heavily involved in maintaining. The “surprise plan,” though, was suspended in fragile ambiguity, as more than just Janelle, Daniel, and I knew about my visit. It was quite possible the visit would not be as much of a surprise as I would wish. So what!
I exited the block, wherein Janelle and Daniel’s apartment is located, to many happy shouts of “Kailen!” as we walked to the van. I found out that some had known I was coming, but everyone was very happy to see me. I also don’t think that any of them were expecting me to arrive this early. During the entire trip to Horezu, people took turns making sure I was doing alright, as it was obvious I had not slept well on the train, had arrived in Lupeni at the literal crack of dawn, and hadn’t eaten much of anything for some time. I think it was my excitement and subsequent adrenaline that was keeping me going during the day.
We made several stops during the day. Stacey and Solita had presentations about certain sites, one was a statue and another was an Orthodox church. We then went to a market, where we spent a good hour and a half looking at different shops selling pottery and woodworks. I was amused by the collections of rather large wooden spoons I found in most of the shops. By the end of the trip, we were all ready to get back to Lupeni. The weather had been overcast the entire day, so our energy and interest was draining quicker than usual. I admit that I just about dozed off completely on our way back.
The night ended at Pizza Planet, where all of it had begun in Lupeni two months ago. For some reason, it was at this point that I truly felt we were all in college. I mean, this is what college students do, go out with friends and enjoy each other’s company. College friends also find symbolic ways of showing their connection. Everyone in last year’s study abroad group got piercings, a symbol that they were all involved in the same experience and therefore connected to each other. This present group had decided on getting rings. During their Bulgaria-Greece tour a couple weeks ago, Anne and Hollyann had spent some time perusing selections of rings in the attempt to find the right one for me. The girls each got trinity rings, which are rings made of three, thin bands linked together to form the ring. Arguably more feminine, the girls decided not to get trinity rings for Andrew and me. Instead, they got us eternity rings, rings with a design etched on the outside that doesn’t have a beginning or end. All this they told me as they presented mine to me tonight at Pizza Planet. Apparently Hollyann “knew” my ring size and Anne “knew” what ring design best suited me. (My isolation of “knew” isn’t meant to poke fun, but rather to express my gratitude for having friends who do indeed “know” me so well as to care about the type of ring they buy me.) These kinds of things happen in college. This is what college friends do.
I was very happy to finally get to Tibi’s, where I was staying for the weekend, as my adrenaline had finally run out. I mechanically took out my contacts, brushed my teeth, and got ready for bed. Andrew was doing his nightly baseball workout, which didn’t bother me at all. Once I got into bed and my head hit the pillow I was out. Sleep was finally mine for the taking.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 6, 2008: Confrontation
Dear Friend,
I don’t like confrontation. I grew up in an environment where confrontation was dealt with very unhealthily. Usually someone ended up getting physically hurt after all was said and done. I especially don’t like confrontation between friends. You’d think such confrontation would be easier to deal with, as having a mutual brotherly/sisterly/brotherly-sisterly love for each other, each should be able to have the patience and maturity to deal with whatever problems arise. However, my previous experiences with confrontation usually influence my prevention of any kind of future confrontation, especially with friends. That being said, the confrontations I had this week were exceedingly difficult for me to have.
Vali was my host brother last month. He’s also a volunteer for A.R.T. Fusion and has had some theatre training. As I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve discovered that he’s very intelligent, articulate, charismatic, and generally loved by his fellow volunteers. I’ve also noticed in him a great desire to do theatre, to continue working the theatre muscles he developed during his training, and a proactive attitude towards pursuing the goals surrounding such desires. Because of his training, though, Vali has a certain arrogant attitude towards his fellow volunteers. He has mentioned to me on a couple occasions his malcontent for the lack of training the volunteers have and also expressed his desire to lead his own workshops for the organization so as to correct their shortcomings. As I’ve watched his interactions with the others, I’ve seen in his rather harsh attitude an immature desire to control the artistic trajectory of any given project the organization is working on. He’s impatient and even condescending with the other volunteers, who freely admit that they’ve had little if any training in theatre.
Vali and I were to co-lead a workshop in a couple weeks about forum theatre. I’ll admit that as I observed more of Vali’s negative attitude with the volunteers, I became more hesitant to work with him. However, I wanted to affirm his desire to lead part of a workshop, something he’s wanted to do for so long, so I continued to plan to co-lead with him. I was reminding myself that I was in a different culture and that the interactions of people in a different country are different than the interactions of people in mine. I was even told by some Romanians I met here that aggressive behavior between friends and family members is quite normal and that no harm is meant by it. I, therefore, tried to put aside any concerns I had about Vali’s attitude.
My concerns, however, continued to grow with each new observation, so much so that I eventually felt I had to break my silence. I was unable to express my concerns directly to Vali at the time, for a number of reasons, so instead went to Carmen, who was one of my coordinators and in charge of the forthcoming workshop. I also expressed my concerns to Maria, another one of my coordinators. My concerns echoed similar concerns had by both of them, and a meeting was scheduled with Vali’s sister, Iris. Carmen was out of the country at this point, but Maria, Iris, and I managed to have a meeting wherein I expressed in as articulate terms as I could the concerns I had.
As I so strongly dislike confrontation, the expressing of my concerns was quite difficult. I had no intention of harming Vali in any way, but I felt his attitude needed to change in order for him to lead the workshop with me. In my discussions with Carmen and Maria on the matter, I discovered what I had been dreading from the beginning. Such an attitude change would be very difficult for Vali to undergo with only a little time remaining before the workshop. Iris, to her credit, also observed this difficulty, and put it forth to me that I should decide right away whether I felt I could lead the workshop with Vali or not. I decided then, based on what I knew and after much thought on the matter, that I could not lead the workshop with him.
As an artist Christian, I’ve grown in the past four years to believe strongly that theatre is for everyone and that, therefore, everyone has something to contribute to theatre. That being said, the safe and nurturing environment of Northwestern College’s theatre department is an environment I wish to bring with me everywhere I go. The talk I had with the high school students, for instance, was a time where I wanted to create a safe and nurturing environment where everyone could contribute to the discussion. The ideal I wish to engender is one that infers that we are all, as human beings, on a journey. As a Christian especially, I am on a journey to be more Christ-like. As an artist, I am on a journey to become not only better, but to explore and discover. As a student, I am on a journey to learn, ask questions, and join the conversations with other students and teachers that have been going on for centuries. That’s the environment, the ideal that I wanted to bring here to Romania, specifically to A.R.T. Fusion. The “yes, and” idea that we are all on a journey together, so let’s learn together, share together, make mistakes together, and nurture each other towards becoming better people and, therefore, better artists. I didn’t see this in Vali, and that’s what concerned me.
The meeting with Maria and Iris happened yesterday, right before we left for the club where the forum theatre piece was performed. Today I woke up, showered, and made my way to the office with the dreadful thought in my head about when I would see Vali and have to explain my position to him. This would end up being the ultimate confrontation, where I would have to explain why I was taking him away from what I knew he wanted and, what’s more, how I thought he needed an attitude adjustment. I felt like crap. I prayed about it, argued with myself about it, but eventually consigned to the belief that I was doing the right thing. These concerns weren’t just mine, but were shared with others in the organization, which meant that something had to be done. Ultimately, I was hoping to help Vali, to bring to his attention the things about his character that were not only keeping him from having fruitful experiences with the others but also keeping him from gaining the kind of respect I knew he was looking for. I wanted him to be able to lead his workshops, to give advice to his colleagues, and to continue enjoying theatre, but not with an attitude of arrogance and condescension.
When I arrived at the office, Iris told me she spoke with Vali and that he was okay with the decision. There was also an email waiting for me from Vali when I turned on my laptop. He said he wasn’t angry, sad, or upset. He went on in an almost indifferent attitude, as if I had simply told him that I wouldn’t share my lunch with him. He wondered why I hadn’t told him in person and wondered why I hadn’t just accepted the challenge of leading a workshop with someone I didn’t agree with. This told me he was missing the point, which was understandable as he hadn’t heard my explanation yet. This meant that the next thing I had to do was reply to his email with my explanation.
The email took a couple of hours, but felt like it took much longer than that. I firstly expressed my thanks for his understanding about the situation, or at least for not being overly angry with me, and for his desire to, in a sense, discuss the issue rationally. I continued by explaining my position as an American in Romania, a student from a Christian liberal arts theatre program, and how these things effected my perspective in way I wasn’t certain was being objective. I also expressed my beliefs about theatre that were based in Northwestern’s practices and ideals. Finally, as best and as bluntly as I could, I told him the reasons behind my decision about the workshop. I made it clear that my decision was made with the best intentions for everyone, but mostly for his sake as I desired for him to realize his error and correct it. I wanted him to keep doing theatre because I knew he was good and I wanted him to keep doing theatre with others. However, I wanted him to keep doing theatre with patience and understanding towards those who may not know as much as he did.
Diana told me she was happy I had gone through this experience, as it would help me with future confrontations. I knew, somberly, that this had been a learning experience, but one of the kind where you really wish you could’ve learned another way. I did eventually get a phone call from Vali (before he had read my email) and another email in reply to mine. In both instances he expressed without anger or resentment how much he appreciated me artistically and as a friend. In the email he expressed his unending gratitude for having finally expressed myself and opened up in a way he had been wanting since we had met. I once again felt a sense of guilt that comes only when I feel I should’ve done something earlier than I had actually done it, i.e. opening up.
“Another day in the life” I once heard about someone who was doing their best to live day by day, as each day brings its own challenges and obstacles. That’s honestly how this day felt. It was important that I made the decision I made for the reasons I did. The reasons were also important. It was important that I said what I said in the email and had the correspondence with Vali. It was important, all that had happened this week. Why then, while not as much, do I feel like crap?
Blessings.
Kailen
I don’t like confrontation. I grew up in an environment where confrontation was dealt with very unhealthily. Usually someone ended up getting physically hurt after all was said and done. I especially don’t like confrontation between friends. You’d think such confrontation would be easier to deal with, as having a mutual brotherly/sisterly/brotherly-sisterly love for each other, each should be able to have the patience and maturity to deal with whatever problems arise. However, my previous experiences with confrontation usually influence my prevention of any kind of future confrontation, especially with friends. That being said, the confrontations I had this week were exceedingly difficult for me to have.
Vali was my host brother last month. He’s also a volunteer for A.R.T. Fusion and has had some theatre training. As I’ve gotten to know him, I’ve discovered that he’s very intelligent, articulate, charismatic, and generally loved by his fellow volunteers. I’ve also noticed in him a great desire to do theatre, to continue working the theatre muscles he developed during his training, and a proactive attitude towards pursuing the goals surrounding such desires. Because of his training, though, Vali has a certain arrogant attitude towards his fellow volunteers. He has mentioned to me on a couple occasions his malcontent for the lack of training the volunteers have and also expressed his desire to lead his own workshops for the organization so as to correct their shortcomings. As I’ve watched his interactions with the others, I’ve seen in his rather harsh attitude an immature desire to control the artistic trajectory of any given project the organization is working on. He’s impatient and even condescending with the other volunteers, who freely admit that they’ve had little if any training in theatre.
Vali and I were to co-lead a workshop in a couple weeks about forum theatre. I’ll admit that as I observed more of Vali’s negative attitude with the volunteers, I became more hesitant to work with him. However, I wanted to affirm his desire to lead part of a workshop, something he’s wanted to do for so long, so I continued to plan to co-lead with him. I was reminding myself that I was in a different culture and that the interactions of people in a different country are different than the interactions of people in mine. I was even told by some Romanians I met here that aggressive behavior between friends and family members is quite normal and that no harm is meant by it. I, therefore, tried to put aside any concerns I had about Vali’s attitude.
My concerns, however, continued to grow with each new observation, so much so that I eventually felt I had to break my silence. I was unable to express my concerns directly to Vali at the time, for a number of reasons, so instead went to Carmen, who was one of my coordinators and in charge of the forthcoming workshop. I also expressed my concerns to Maria, another one of my coordinators. My concerns echoed similar concerns had by both of them, and a meeting was scheduled with Vali’s sister, Iris. Carmen was out of the country at this point, but Maria, Iris, and I managed to have a meeting wherein I expressed in as articulate terms as I could the concerns I had.
As I so strongly dislike confrontation, the expressing of my concerns was quite difficult. I had no intention of harming Vali in any way, but I felt his attitude needed to change in order for him to lead the workshop with me. In my discussions with Carmen and Maria on the matter, I discovered what I had been dreading from the beginning. Such an attitude change would be very difficult for Vali to undergo with only a little time remaining before the workshop. Iris, to her credit, also observed this difficulty, and put it forth to me that I should decide right away whether I felt I could lead the workshop with Vali or not. I decided then, based on what I knew and after much thought on the matter, that I could not lead the workshop with him.
As an artist Christian, I’ve grown in the past four years to believe strongly that theatre is for everyone and that, therefore, everyone has something to contribute to theatre. That being said, the safe and nurturing environment of Northwestern College’s theatre department is an environment I wish to bring with me everywhere I go. The talk I had with the high school students, for instance, was a time where I wanted to create a safe and nurturing environment where everyone could contribute to the discussion. The ideal I wish to engender is one that infers that we are all, as human beings, on a journey. As a Christian especially, I am on a journey to be more Christ-like. As an artist, I am on a journey to become not only better, but to explore and discover. As a student, I am on a journey to learn, ask questions, and join the conversations with other students and teachers that have been going on for centuries. That’s the environment, the ideal that I wanted to bring here to Romania, specifically to A.R.T. Fusion. The “yes, and” idea that we are all on a journey together, so let’s learn together, share together, make mistakes together, and nurture each other towards becoming better people and, therefore, better artists. I didn’t see this in Vali, and that’s what concerned me.
The meeting with Maria and Iris happened yesterday, right before we left for the club where the forum theatre piece was performed. Today I woke up, showered, and made my way to the office with the dreadful thought in my head about when I would see Vali and have to explain my position to him. This would end up being the ultimate confrontation, where I would have to explain why I was taking him away from what I knew he wanted and, what’s more, how I thought he needed an attitude adjustment. I felt like crap. I prayed about it, argued with myself about it, but eventually consigned to the belief that I was doing the right thing. These concerns weren’t just mine, but were shared with others in the organization, which meant that something had to be done. Ultimately, I was hoping to help Vali, to bring to his attention the things about his character that were not only keeping him from having fruitful experiences with the others but also keeping him from gaining the kind of respect I knew he was looking for. I wanted him to be able to lead his workshops, to give advice to his colleagues, and to continue enjoying theatre, but not with an attitude of arrogance and condescension.
When I arrived at the office, Iris told me she spoke with Vali and that he was okay with the decision. There was also an email waiting for me from Vali when I turned on my laptop. He said he wasn’t angry, sad, or upset. He went on in an almost indifferent attitude, as if I had simply told him that I wouldn’t share my lunch with him. He wondered why I hadn’t told him in person and wondered why I hadn’t just accepted the challenge of leading a workshop with someone I didn’t agree with. This told me he was missing the point, which was understandable as he hadn’t heard my explanation yet. This meant that the next thing I had to do was reply to his email with my explanation.
The email took a couple of hours, but felt like it took much longer than that. I firstly expressed my thanks for his understanding about the situation, or at least for not being overly angry with me, and for his desire to, in a sense, discuss the issue rationally. I continued by explaining my position as an American in Romania, a student from a Christian liberal arts theatre program, and how these things effected my perspective in way I wasn’t certain was being objective. I also expressed my beliefs about theatre that were based in Northwestern’s practices and ideals. Finally, as best and as bluntly as I could, I told him the reasons behind my decision about the workshop. I made it clear that my decision was made with the best intentions for everyone, but mostly for his sake as I desired for him to realize his error and correct it. I wanted him to keep doing theatre because I knew he was good and I wanted him to keep doing theatre with others. However, I wanted him to keep doing theatre with patience and understanding towards those who may not know as much as he did.
Diana told me she was happy I had gone through this experience, as it would help me with future confrontations. I knew, somberly, that this had been a learning experience, but one of the kind where you really wish you could’ve learned another way. I did eventually get a phone call from Vali (before he had read my email) and another email in reply to mine. In both instances he expressed without anger or resentment how much he appreciated me artistically and as a friend. In the email he expressed his unending gratitude for having finally expressed myself and opened up in a way he had been wanting since we had met. I once again felt a sense of guilt that comes only when I feel I should’ve done something earlier than I had actually done it, i.e. opening up.
“Another day in the life” I once heard about someone who was doing their best to live day by day, as each day brings its own challenges and obstacles. That’s honestly how this day felt. It was important that I made the decision I made for the reasons I did. The reasons were also important. It was important that I said what I said in the email and had the correspondence with Vali. It was important, all that had happened this week. Why then, while not as much, do I feel like crap?
Blessings.
Kailen
November 5, 2008: Impressionable Minds
Dear Friend,
Corina had asked me earlier last week if I’d be willing to speak at some of her classes about the differences between the Orient and the Occident. The only way I even know what these words mean, much less what the differences are, all has to do with having a liberal arts education.[1] I accepted her offer excitedly, thinking it would be a great opportunity for me to interact with Romanian students, work my knowledge of Occidentalism and combine it with what I had been learning about Romania, and practice some skills I’ve recently become interested in exercising: teaching. This morning was that opportunity.
Speaking at Corina’s high school involved getting up quite early in the morning to catch the bus. The traffic in the mornings is absolutely absurd and packed to the point that vehicles could idle for a good ten minutes. This is a visible fact that Bucureşti was never meant to be the capital city, because it was never meant to have such a crowded population characteristic of a capital city. To get to school on time, and to shower and eat breakfast, I woke up at five in the morning. We did make it to school on time, but I knew I’d be running on reserves for most of the day.
I spoke to three classes during the day. The first class stuck around for another class period, at which point they were joined by the second class. This group collectively was rather quiet and unresponsive, save for a couple of people who answered most of the questions. One in particular, Alex, seemed to have a lot to say and answered most of my questions. Corina told me he had shown up early in the morning specifically to hear me talk. Despite how quiet the class was, I think the morning went alright.
I spent my break with Alex and another student, Peter. They took me to a coffee shop and we had hot chocolate over conversations about the arts and school. Today also happened to be the day after the United States elections, so everyone was interested in my opinion about Obama as president. Most were interested in knowing how racism would change now that the US had an African-American president. I can honestly say that no matter who had been elected, I don’t envy the person at all. There is a lot this president will have to “fix” after the worldwide condemned foibles of the Bush Administration and, therefore, a lot this president will have to change in the projected future, i.e. the world’s condemnation of the United States. Many Romanians are happy that Obama is president, as I’ve also found out are a lot of other people in and outside the US. Racism, though, is an unpredictable scourge of the country, and I had no answer for the students that asked me about it.
The third and final class of the day also stayed to listen to me for two class periods, which I was thankful for as I had finally found my “sea legs” and was excited about the course of the discussion. In large part, I talked about Westernization and how its making the rest of the world like itself, the West, as an all around bad thing. That Justin Timberlake and Titanic are the first things these students think of when I ask about their entertainment makes me feel very depressed. I’m not opposed to sharing my cultures music and movies (I’ll reserve my comments about Timberlake and Titanic) but I’m very concerned when so much of my culture has influenced other cultures. What’s happening with the culture that already exists in Romania? The students seemed equally concerned. Can’t both cultures exist together, without one trying to dominate the other? This was part of what we discussed today. It was a very enjoyable time for all, I think.
The forum theatre piece was performed at Club A. I was pretty beat by the time I got there, the excitement and thrill of academic discussion wearing off, but I managed to make it through. I led some warm-ups (“Boom-Chicka-Boom”) for the actors before the performance. The place was filled with cigarette smoke, so I made sure to remind everyone not to strain their voices. I felt a bit like a director. I would have chosen another venue to perform in, but we were, in a sense, living up to both Brecht and Boal’s desires to take theatre to the streets. This was the kind of place theatre needed to be performed. I just didn’t want the smoke.
Eugen translated as the play unfolded. The forum took a rather long time, but this was because spectators were getting involved, which was good. I was even able to understand some of the funnier aspects of the forum, though it wasn’t necessarily because I understood the language. It was some of the new scenarios presented by spectators that amused me the most. Some of them radically changed the nature of the character they were portraying, changing it from the pre-established interpretation which needed to be partially adhered to.
When the forum was done, the rest of the night was given to group discussions with some international volunteers. This night was the beginning of an international awareness of volunteering campaign that would last through the weekend. I wasn’t in on the conversations, which was alright with me because I really wanted to get home. Much to the disappointment of some, I made my way to the bus stop and rode back to Diana’s flat.
Corina was so happy I had spoken with her classes this morning that she made supper and bought dessert. She, Diana, and I spent the rest of the night discussing the day. The students had given a lot of positive feedback to Corina before the school day had ended. Corina also thought I had conducted the class discussions very well. We discussed the election of Obama and the recent minor ramifications thereof. I was happy about the discussions, as I was interacting with both Diana and Corina at the same time, which rarely happens because of everyone’s busy schedules. All in all, a rather good day.
Blessings.
Kailen
[1] I actually must thank Dr. Mike Kugler, PhD, associate professor of history at Northwestern college, teacher, and friend, for this knowledge, primarily about the Occident, which happens to be us, the West, America, the United States, to name a few generalized synonyms. What I learned in his Issues of Western Civilization from 1789 class on Modernity was the groundwork for what I presented at the high school on this day.
Corina had asked me earlier last week if I’d be willing to speak at some of her classes about the differences between the Orient and the Occident. The only way I even know what these words mean, much less what the differences are, all has to do with having a liberal arts education.[1] I accepted her offer excitedly, thinking it would be a great opportunity for me to interact with Romanian students, work my knowledge of Occidentalism and combine it with what I had been learning about Romania, and practice some skills I’ve recently become interested in exercising: teaching. This morning was that opportunity.
Speaking at Corina’s high school involved getting up quite early in the morning to catch the bus. The traffic in the mornings is absolutely absurd and packed to the point that vehicles could idle for a good ten minutes. This is a visible fact that Bucureşti was never meant to be the capital city, because it was never meant to have such a crowded population characteristic of a capital city. To get to school on time, and to shower and eat breakfast, I woke up at five in the morning. We did make it to school on time, but I knew I’d be running on reserves for most of the day.
I spoke to three classes during the day. The first class stuck around for another class period, at which point they were joined by the second class. This group collectively was rather quiet and unresponsive, save for a couple of people who answered most of the questions. One in particular, Alex, seemed to have a lot to say and answered most of my questions. Corina told me he had shown up early in the morning specifically to hear me talk. Despite how quiet the class was, I think the morning went alright.
I spent my break with Alex and another student, Peter. They took me to a coffee shop and we had hot chocolate over conversations about the arts and school. Today also happened to be the day after the United States elections, so everyone was interested in my opinion about Obama as president. Most were interested in knowing how racism would change now that the US had an African-American president. I can honestly say that no matter who had been elected, I don’t envy the person at all. There is a lot this president will have to “fix” after the worldwide condemned foibles of the Bush Administration and, therefore, a lot this president will have to change in the projected future, i.e. the world’s condemnation of the United States. Many Romanians are happy that Obama is president, as I’ve also found out are a lot of other people in and outside the US. Racism, though, is an unpredictable scourge of the country, and I had no answer for the students that asked me about it.
The third and final class of the day also stayed to listen to me for two class periods, which I was thankful for as I had finally found my “sea legs” and was excited about the course of the discussion. In large part, I talked about Westernization and how its making the rest of the world like itself, the West, as an all around bad thing. That Justin Timberlake and Titanic are the first things these students think of when I ask about their entertainment makes me feel very depressed. I’m not opposed to sharing my cultures music and movies (I’ll reserve my comments about Timberlake and Titanic) but I’m very concerned when so much of my culture has influenced other cultures. What’s happening with the culture that already exists in Romania? The students seemed equally concerned. Can’t both cultures exist together, without one trying to dominate the other? This was part of what we discussed today. It was a very enjoyable time for all, I think.
The forum theatre piece was performed at Club A. I was pretty beat by the time I got there, the excitement and thrill of academic discussion wearing off, but I managed to make it through. I led some warm-ups (“Boom-Chicka-Boom”) for the actors before the performance. The place was filled with cigarette smoke, so I made sure to remind everyone not to strain their voices. I felt a bit like a director. I would have chosen another venue to perform in, but we were, in a sense, living up to both Brecht and Boal’s desires to take theatre to the streets. This was the kind of place theatre needed to be performed. I just didn’t want the smoke.
Eugen translated as the play unfolded. The forum took a rather long time, but this was because spectators were getting involved, which was good. I was even able to understand some of the funnier aspects of the forum, though it wasn’t necessarily because I understood the language. It was some of the new scenarios presented by spectators that amused me the most. Some of them radically changed the nature of the character they were portraying, changing it from the pre-established interpretation which needed to be partially adhered to.
When the forum was done, the rest of the night was given to group discussions with some international volunteers. This night was the beginning of an international awareness of volunteering campaign that would last through the weekend. I wasn’t in on the conversations, which was alright with me because I really wanted to get home. Much to the disappointment of some, I made my way to the bus stop and rode back to Diana’s flat.
Corina was so happy I had spoken with her classes this morning that she made supper and bought dessert. She, Diana, and I spent the rest of the night discussing the day. The students had given a lot of positive feedback to Corina before the school day had ended. Corina also thought I had conducted the class discussions very well. We discussed the election of Obama and the recent minor ramifications thereof. I was happy about the discussions, as I was interacting with both Diana and Corina at the same time, which rarely happens because of everyone’s busy schedules. All in all, a rather good day.
Blessings.
Kailen
[1] I actually must thank Dr. Mike Kugler, PhD, associate professor of history at Northwestern college, teacher, and friend, for this knowledge, primarily about the Occident, which happens to be us, the West, America, the United States, to name a few generalized synonyms. What I learned in his Issues of Western Civilization from 1789 class on Modernity was the groundwork for what I presented at the high school on this day.
November 4, 2008: “Unde te duci tu, Ano” – Rehearsal Two
Dear Friend,
The second rehearsal for Wednesday’s forum theatre piece went equally as well as yesterday’s rehearsal. The actors went through the play once, after which the director, Maria, gave some feedback. The offstage focus had not been done, though, and it seemed that Maria was very much in favor of using the convention. My understanding about the piece, though, changed a little since last night’s rehearsal, primarily because of the availability of more props. The scene where I suggested the offstage focus should take place, for example, suddenly had a prop in it that I didn’t know would be there. This greatly changed the nature of the scene, as both actors needed to interact with the prop. This, therefore, changed the dynamic of the staging, and I began to think that offstage focus would not be appropriate for the scene. In fact, even when I had suggested it, I had wondered if offstage focus could be used in forum theatre at all.
In the scene, Alina portrayed Ana and Tudor portrayed Ana’s brother. The brother enters the scene and sees Ana reading an email on her computer. He sits down and looks at the screen. This is the staging. My original concern in last nights rehearsal was that Tudor was sitting directly behind Alina, or a little off to the side. In either case, he was being upstaged by Alina, which meant people would have a hard time seeing him. As I thought both characters were important to the scene, I suggested the offstage focus convention. Each character would be seen and given the right amount of attention. However, during this rehearsal Tudor informed me that he has to look at the computer screen, which would ruin the convention entirely. I hadn’t known this. Something needed to be changed.
Maria was still bent on using the offstage focus convention. I suggested, however, that using the convention in this scene would not work, as Tudor needed to look at the screen. That action was vital to the scene, so the blocking had to be changed a little. I explained I had only suggested the offstage focus as a means of fixing the problem of one upstaging the other, which was a problem that could be fixed in a number of ways. Also, I explained that doing offstage focus, while it’s a cool staging technique, needs to have a reason other than to use it simply because it’s cool. In the end, the blocking issue was resolved with some simple, minor changes and the offstage focus was rightly put off to the side.
Many people expressed they appreciated the time that was put into discussing the staging of the play during this rehearsal. Apparently not much discussion is had when they rehearse their plays. I’m not sure if my presence prompted that change or not, but people definitely appreciated the advice. Adi wanted us to play Boom-Chicka-Boom, which he has taken upon himself to request every chance he gets. I certainly hope I’m remembered for more than just bringing Boom-Chicka-Boom to A.R.T. Fusion. Maybe I can be remembered for also bringing offstage focus to A.R.T. Fusion. However, even if I’m simply the “Boom-Chicka-Boom guy,” I’m glad I was able to introduce something that will probably become a trend.
Blessings.
Kailen
The second rehearsal for Wednesday’s forum theatre piece went equally as well as yesterday’s rehearsal. The actors went through the play once, after which the director, Maria, gave some feedback. The offstage focus had not been done, though, and it seemed that Maria was very much in favor of using the convention. My understanding about the piece, though, changed a little since last night’s rehearsal, primarily because of the availability of more props. The scene where I suggested the offstage focus should take place, for example, suddenly had a prop in it that I didn’t know would be there. This greatly changed the nature of the scene, as both actors needed to interact with the prop. This, therefore, changed the dynamic of the staging, and I began to think that offstage focus would not be appropriate for the scene. In fact, even when I had suggested it, I had wondered if offstage focus could be used in forum theatre at all.
In the scene, Alina portrayed Ana and Tudor portrayed Ana’s brother. The brother enters the scene and sees Ana reading an email on her computer. He sits down and looks at the screen. This is the staging. My original concern in last nights rehearsal was that Tudor was sitting directly behind Alina, or a little off to the side. In either case, he was being upstaged by Alina, which meant people would have a hard time seeing him. As I thought both characters were important to the scene, I suggested the offstage focus convention. Each character would be seen and given the right amount of attention. However, during this rehearsal Tudor informed me that he has to look at the computer screen, which would ruin the convention entirely. I hadn’t known this. Something needed to be changed.
Maria was still bent on using the offstage focus convention. I suggested, however, that using the convention in this scene would not work, as Tudor needed to look at the screen. That action was vital to the scene, so the blocking had to be changed a little. I explained I had only suggested the offstage focus as a means of fixing the problem of one upstaging the other, which was a problem that could be fixed in a number of ways. Also, I explained that doing offstage focus, while it’s a cool staging technique, needs to have a reason other than to use it simply because it’s cool. In the end, the blocking issue was resolved with some simple, minor changes and the offstage focus was rightly put off to the side.
Many people expressed they appreciated the time that was put into discussing the staging of the play during this rehearsal. Apparently not much discussion is had when they rehearse their plays. I’m not sure if my presence prompted that change or not, but people definitely appreciated the advice. Adi wanted us to play Boom-Chicka-Boom, which he has taken upon himself to request every chance he gets. I certainly hope I’m remembered for more than just bringing Boom-Chicka-Boom to A.R.T. Fusion. Maybe I can be remembered for also bringing offstage focus to A.R.T. Fusion. However, even if I’m simply the “Boom-Chicka-Boom guy,” I’m glad I was able to introduce something that will probably become a trend.
Blessings.
Kailen
November 3, 2008: “Unde te duci tu, Ano” – Rehearsal One
Dear Friend,
Throughout my college career, especially during my freshman year, I would find myself waking up in my dorm room with the anxious thought that I wasn’t waking up at home. The speed of memory is fascinating, because once I had that anxious sensation – I’m not at home, where am I? – my memory would instantaneously remind me that I was at college. Two realizations that had really great impact on my mornings: I’m not home; I’m at college. Not that being home was a bad thing, but realizing that, in the course of my growth, maturation, and life I somehow, by the grace of God, managed to find myself out of high school and in college. A blessing, certainly like one I’d never experienced before. I’m in college, which provides me endless possibilities. Thank you, God!
Well, this morning I woke up with a similar anxious thought, only arguably more anxious than the one mentioned above. I woke up and realized that I was neither home nor at college. I was, in fact, not even in the United States! I was in Romania. I probably had this thought in London, but I can’t remember. This morning I clearly had the thought, finally after more than two months, that I wasn’t at home, I wasn’t at college, and I wasn’t in the United States. I was in Romania! How did I get here? Recount the circumstances, retrace the steps, remember Providence and you have a working explanation for how you are where you are, and in light of my going through this equation, the answer was quite humbling. As during my freshman year, I experienced the thought, then asked how it was I got there. That is to say, I asked myself, “What did I do to deserve this? What did I do to be granted this amazing opportunity?” Food for thought.
This upcoming Wednesday, A.R.T. Fusion will perform another forum theatre piece. The rehearsals are tonight and tomorrow night. I’ve been asked to sit in and share my thoughts. The play is called “Unde te duci tu, Ano” – “Where are you going, Ana?” It’s about volunteering. Specifically, it’s about Ana, a high school student interested in going abroad for a volunteer training convention. Volunteering is, as I’ve mentioned, not highly praised in Romania, so the oppressions are likely to come from many places. The play shows that while Ana’s friends are marginally supportive, her mother is not invested and concentrated on her own work, her brother is belittling, and her teacher downright opposed to anything that would take Ana away from her studies.
I had the opportunity to make suggestions during the rehearsal. The staging seemed very crowded in some of the scenes, to I helped by giving direction to the actors in hopes that the scene would appear less crowded. I also introduced the staging convention of “offstage focus.” Offstage focus is a very theatrical form of staging (academics would call it “presentational”) where actors interact with each other and other characters by looking offstage instead of at each other. The actors face the audience usually and pick a point in the air where they direct their focus. This “presents” the actor to the audience, it “presents” the interaction between characters. If two actors are onstage using offstage focus to interact with each other, for instance, the audience still knows that they’re interacting with each other, even though they aren’t facing each other. I suggested this as a way to clean up some blocking in the last scene, where one person was being upstaged by the other no matter how they tried to fix it.
I also gave some actor coaching by telling everyone that simply entering and exiting the stage isn’t enough. Instead, each actor had to find within his or her own character goals and objectives reasons for why their character is coming or going. These goals and objectives can be found in the script. For example, Horatio doesn’t enter onstage because the script tells him to. He enters onstage because Hamlet is onstage and he needs to tell Hamlet that the dead king appeared to him and the guards last night. Sounds simple, but when applied to everything a character does onstage it gets rid of a lot of extra and unnecessary movement.
The rehearsal went very well, and I felt pretty good about speaking up and giving advice. The others were also very pleased with my advice. I had been sitting off to the side during the run of the rehearsal, like a director, observing the movements and interactions through the movements more than the dialogue. Tomorrow we’ll get to see if these notes helped.
Blessings.
Kailen
Throughout my college career, especially during my freshman year, I would find myself waking up in my dorm room with the anxious thought that I wasn’t waking up at home. The speed of memory is fascinating, because once I had that anxious sensation – I’m not at home, where am I? – my memory would instantaneously remind me that I was at college. Two realizations that had really great impact on my mornings: I’m not home; I’m at college. Not that being home was a bad thing, but realizing that, in the course of my growth, maturation, and life I somehow, by the grace of God, managed to find myself out of high school and in college. A blessing, certainly like one I’d never experienced before. I’m in college, which provides me endless possibilities. Thank you, God!
Well, this morning I woke up with a similar anxious thought, only arguably more anxious than the one mentioned above. I woke up and realized that I was neither home nor at college. I was, in fact, not even in the United States! I was in Romania. I probably had this thought in London, but I can’t remember. This morning I clearly had the thought, finally after more than two months, that I wasn’t at home, I wasn’t at college, and I wasn’t in the United States. I was in Romania! How did I get here? Recount the circumstances, retrace the steps, remember Providence and you have a working explanation for how you are where you are, and in light of my going through this equation, the answer was quite humbling. As during my freshman year, I experienced the thought, then asked how it was I got there. That is to say, I asked myself, “What did I do to deserve this? What did I do to be granted this amazing opportunity?” Food for thought.
This upcoming Wednesday, A.R.T. Fusion will perform another forum theatre piece. The rehearsals are tonight and tomorrow night. I’ve been asked to sit in and share my thoughts. The play is called “Unde te duci tu, Ano” – “Where are you going, Ana?” It’s about volunteering. Specifically, it’s about Ana, a high school student interested in going abroad for a volunteer training convention. Volunteering is, as I’ve mentioned, not highly praised in Romania, so the oppressions are likely to come from many places. The play shows that while Ana’s friends are marginally supportive, her mother is not invested and concentrated on her own work, her brother is belittling, and her teacher downright opposed to anything that would take Ana away from her studies.
I had the opportunity to make suggestions during the rehearsal. The staging seemed very crowded in some of the scenes, to I helped by giving direction to the actors in hopes that the scene would appear less crowded. I also introduced the staging convention of “offstage focus.” Offstage focus is a very theatrical form of staging (academics would call it “presentational”) where actors interact with each other and other characters by looking offstage instead of at each other. The actors face the audience usually and pick a point in the air where they direct their focus. This “presents” the actor to the audience, it “presents” the interaction between characters. If two actors are onstage using offstage focus to interact with each other, for instance, the audience still knows that they’re interacting with each other, even though they aren’t facing each other. I suggested this as a way to clean up some blocking in the last scene, where one person was being upstaged by the other no matter how they tried to fix it.
I also gave some actor coaching by telling everyone that simply entering and exiting the stage isn’t enough. Instead, each actor had to find within his or her own character goals and objectives reasons for why their character is coming or going. These goals and objectives can be found in the script. For example, Horatio doesn’t enter onstage because the script tells him to. He enters onstage because Hamlet is onstage and he needs to tell Hamlet that the dead king appeared to him and the guards last night. Sounds simple, but when applied to everything a character does onstage it gets rid of a lot of extra and unnecessary movement.
The rehearsal went very well, and I felt pretty good about speaking up and giving advice. The others were also very pleased with my advice. I had been sitting off to the side during the run of the rehearsal, like a director, observing the movements and interactions through the movements more than the dialogue. Tomorrow we’ll get to see if these notes helped.
Blessings.
Kailen
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
November 2, 2008: Spiritual GPS
Dear Friend,
I made it to church this morning. I didn’t see Bart their, but I wasn’t really expecting to see him. He had told me last Sunday that he didn’t know if he would make for that service, so I felt that something might have come up today also. The congregation was quite small, but still multi-ethnic. It’s truly amazing to see so many cultures represented in one place all worshipping the same God.
The pastor’s message drew from an idea mentioned in the Henri Nouwen video I saw in church two Sundays ago, and that was relying on God to know what our mission is. The reading was from Mark 1:35-39. Jesus arose early in the morning to go pray in a solitary place. The disciples eventually found Him and told Him that people were looking for Him, but He told them they would all go to the neighboring town. He had preached in the present town the day before and now had to go to the next town so that they could also hear His message.
The pastor interpreted this passage as Jesus knowing what his mission was. He had been preaching and healing the people in one town, but the next day had gotten up in the morning to pray to His Father to receive instructions. In His solitude with God, He discovered His mission. The people looking for Him were probably disappointed that He wouldn’t be hanging around, but He knew that God wanted Him to move on to the next town. The pastor argued that we also need to find our mission, our calling, in God alone. We shouldn’t depend so much on others to give us meaning and satisfy our calling, because they ultimately can’t. God, however, who created us, has a calling for us wherein we may find meaning. We need to be able to find solitude with God in order to know our calling, and not be distracted by the things of this world. The pastor likened it to a spiritual GPS, an instrument that can keep us on the correct path towards God.
I personally am not a big fan of the GPS. They annoy me, but I understood what the pastor was getting at. I’ve discovered lately in my own life that having that solitude with God is so very important. So often I allow myself to be distracted by what’s going on around me, so much so that I begin to think that’s all that’s ever going on. Sometimes life becomes so overwhelming and I get so wrapped up in my own concerns and goals that I forget my actual calling. I need to reset my GPS and actually pay attention to the seemingly annoying instructions it gives me, so I can find my way back to the road I was supposed to be taking. In my experience, whenever I made a turn the GPS wasn’t expecting, it would always say, “Recalculating,” as if to say, “You idiot, that was stupid.” At least, that’s what it began to sound like after each wrong turn. They usually aren’t wrong turns, just turns I make as shortcuts. However, that can be quite detrimental spiritually. There aren’t any shortcuts to God. There’s only one way, so I need to listen to the GPS.
Blessings.
Kailen
I made it to church this morning. I didn’t see Bart their, but I wasn’t really expecting to see him. He had told me last Sunday that he didn’t know if he would make for that service, so I felt that something might have come up today also. The congregation was quite small, but still multi-ethnic. It’s truly amazing to see so many cultures represented in one place all worshipping the same God.
The pastor’s message drew from an idea mentioned in the Henri Nouwen video I saw in church two Sundays ago, and that was relying on God to know what our mission is. The reading was from Mark 1:35-39. Jesus arose early in the morning to go pray in a solitary place. The disciples eventually found Him and told Him that people were looking for Him, but He told them they would all go to the neighboring town. He had preached in the present town the day before and now had to go to the next town so that they could also hear His message.
The pastor interpreted this passage as Jesus knowing what his mission was. He had been preaching and healing the people in one town, but the next day had gotten up in the morning to pray to His Father to receive instructions. In His solitude with God, He discovered His mission. The people looking for Him were probably disappointed that He wouldn’t be hanging around, but He knew that God wanted Him to move on to the next town. The pastor argued that we also need to find our mission, our calling, in God alone. We shouldn’t depend so much on others to give us meaning and satisfy our calling, because they ultimately can’t. God, however, who created us, has a calling for us wherein we may find meaning. We need to be able to find solitude with God in order to know our calling, and not be distracted by the things of this world. The pastor likened it to a spiritual GPS, an instrument that can keep us on the correct path towards God.
I personally am not a big fan of the GPS. They annoy me, but I understood what the pastor was getting at. I’ve discovered lately in my own life that having that solitude with God is so very important. So often I allow myself to be distracted by what’s going on around me, so much so that I begin to think that’s all that’s ever going on. Sometimes life becomes so overwhelming and I get so wrapped up in my own concerns and goals that I forget my actual calling. I need to reset my GPS and actually pay attention to the seemingly annoying instructions it gives me, so I can find my way back to the road I was supposed to be taking. In my experience, whenever I made a turn the GPS wasn’t expecting, it would always say, “Recalculating,” as if to say, “You idiot, that was stupid.” At least, that’s what it began to sound like after each wrong turn. They usually aren’t wrong turns, just turns I make as shortcuts. However, that can be quite detrimental spiritually. There aren’t any shortcuts to God. There’s only one way, so I need to listen to the GPS.
Blessings.
Kailen
Monday, November 3, 2008
November 1, 2008: Invest
Dear Friend,
I decided to go shopping today and make supper for Diana and Corina. They have been supplying food for me these past couple of days, and I felt it necessary to repay them. Deciding to go shopping in a foreign country, though, required a bit of prepping. I had to work up the courage. I didn’t go until much later in the day.
I did some work on the curriculum this morning. Right now, my plan is simply to explain as many exercises as I can, especially the ones I feel are important for a high school curriculum about forum theatre. This is, in some regard, merely grunt work. Anyone, I suppose, could write out instructions to a theatre exercise, but my familiarity with the exercises gives me an advantage to understanding not only how the exercises work but also what their purposes are. Purpose is really important (in all things, it seems) as many of the exercises involve some rather silly activities that, without explanation, are just silly activities. I explain some of them in my earlier blog entries.
I finally mustered up enough courage to go shopping. This was shortly after my Internet connection died. There are times, though not always, when my irritation about something compels me to be productive. That being said, I went shopping. Everything went fine, even the checking out, despite my fumbling with the money. The grocery store was the one Diana had shown me, which is just a couple blocks from her flat. I bought ingredients for spaghetti, all the while hoping I had enough. I also bought some more hot chocolate, as it seems to have become a favorite among the three of us. I felt very happy as I was leaving the store, knowing I had just taken another step forward in confronting my discomfort with being in a foreign country.
The Internet still wasn’t working when I returned, despite all my efforts to repair it. Something about the cord that connects to my computer isn’t working. In some respects, that was a relief for me, as it meant the issue wasn’t with my computer. Needless to say, though, I was able to rack up a bit more irritation, which compelled me to go do the dishes and start making supper. (I want to make it clear right now that I in no way want to imply that irritation is the force that compels me to be egalitarian. That would be a considerably destructive formula. I do, however, want to point out that sometimes being productive is the only way for me to get my mind off of what is irritating me. This just so happened to be the case in this situation. I find it to be a somewhat less destructive formula than the one already mentioned.)
I was disappointed with the spaghetti sauce I had bought, though really couldn’t figure out a way I could’ve made a better purchase. Having very little knowledge about the variety of spaghetti sauces in general, I chose the one I felt would be the most user-friendly. I think I also bought into the scam of mass marketing. The sauce had neither the natural tomato paste look nor the natural tomato paste smell, therefore implying to me that I had purchased a paste that was manufactured on the basis of quantity mores so than quality. All I could think of was generic, artificial, Chef Boyardi, Spaghetti-O smelling sauce which, I’m sorry, doesn’t appetize me at all. Oh well, work with what you’ve got.
I don’t think I really impressed anyone by making supper, but that didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to make supper, and I wanted Diana and Corina to enjoy it. If they did enjoy it, I haven’t found out. We ate at separate times and in separate locations. Usually they’re pretty exhausted by the end of the day and just want to relax in their room, which I completely understand. I just made it available to them, explained how the process went, and allow them to help themselves however they wished to. I made the noodles and sauce separate (an old habit from home) so that they had the choice of noodles with or without sauce. I also bought some Parmesan cheese, which was made available. We all then retreated to our respective rooms for the night.
I read some more of Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be before going to bed (sounds like a wonderful read to end the day, don’t you think?) I read three chapters before calling it quits, the second of which was called “Masquerade.” One section of this chapter, called “The Mask of Sanity,” talks about the “psychopathic phenomenon,” a phenomenon I’m afraid I’m all too familiar with. It wasn’t so much the word psychopath or even sociopath that caught my attention, but rather the characteristics of each. Plantinga writes that “such persons are often intelligent and attractive, even charismatic – qualities that make them superb players of confidence games. Psychopaths wear the mask of a genial and trustworthy human being, but underneath it everything is self-protective chaos.” To put it bluntly, which Plantinga indeed does, psychopaths and sociopaths are “people without an active conscience and a capacity for remorse.[1]”
You may have guessed where I’m going with this. I was thinking about my father as I read those words. To use the word psychopath or sociopath to describe my father is almost unthinkable, yet the words intelligent, attractive, charismatic, and lack of conscious are words very close to home. In fact, these words describe my father so much that he doesn’t appear in my mind to be my father anymore. That’s a sad thought to me.
I haven’t seen or spoken with my father in over three years now. Part of my struggle on this earth will always be my asking the question, “what if?” or “what could have been?” I think my trial as a Christian is not to let those questions negatively influence my daily walk. I remember a time when he was always there, in my face, not even physically but psychologically. High school was very difficult for that very reason. After I stopped my correspondence with him, things started getting better daily. I wasn’t plagued every minute by thoughts of him, or scared about what he would do next. Proximity also helped. I was in another state, quite a few hundred miles away from him. This past summer, though, when he returned, I suddenly had to refortify my internal defenses against the haunting of a man I barely knew. He’s out there, somewhere, my memory keeps telling me.
I don’t think he’s ever going to go away. I remember in high school I just wanted him to die. He had been making suicide threats, and if he would only follow through with them I know I’d finally be rid of him. I don’t feel that way now, thankfully. Such vengeful feelings rarely make the situation easier to deal with, nor do they somehow fix the situation. Anger, when left to its devices, only produces more anger, until you become such an angry person that not even you can tolerate yourself. At that point he’s won, or at least inadvertently driven you to such a point that any superficial move he makes will send you into a frenzy. He now has control over you and he didn’t even have to lift a finger. You did all the work for him.
I know I’ll be dealing with these feelings for a long time and I know that as a trial my only recourse can and should be to give up those feelings to God. I learned this past summer the importance of praying for your enemies. The Bible speaks about that in a number of places, especially in Jesus’ ministries, and the idea is so backwards when you actually place yourself in the context of it. When you truly identify an enemy and then are confronted with the commandment to pray for him, a whole new world of theology, religion, and faith is opened before you. Either you become even more stark-raving mad or the entire idea of redemption begins to make sense, especially in the context of praying for an enemy you just so happen to love. I love my father. I even pity him, feel sorry for him, can trace hypothetically the deteriorating course he set himself upon and followed through much of his life and thereby even understand him. I also know that I can’t get through to him, so I shouldn’t try. Way too much of my energy would be wasted. However, even in the face of great opposition, obedience is asked of those who love the Lord. The Lord asks that we pray for our enemies. Who am I to defy Him?
Blessings.
Kailen
[1] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1995. pg. 97.
I decided to go shopping today and make supper for Diana and Corina. They have been supplying food for me these past couple of days, and I felt it necessary to repay them. Deciding to go shopping in a foreign country, though, required a bit of prepping. I had to work up the courage. I didn’t go until much later in the day.
I did some work on the curriculum this morning. Right now, my plan is simply to explain as many exercises as I can, especially the ones I feel are important for a high school curriculum about forum theatre. This is, in some regard, merely grunt work. Anyone, I suppose, could write out instructions to a theatre exercise, but my familiarity with the exercises gives me an advantage to understanding not only how the exercises work but also what their purposes are. Purpose is really important (in all things, it seems) as many of the exercises involve some rather silly activities that, without explanation, are just silly activities. I explain some of them in my earlier blog entries.
I finally mustered up enough courage to go shopping. This was shortly after my Internet connection died. There are times, though not always, when my irritation about something compels me to be productive. That being said, I went shopping. Everything went fine, even the checking out, despite my fumbling with the money. The grocery store was the one Diana had shown me, which is just a couple blocks from her flat. I bought ingredients for spaghetti, all the while hoping I had enough. I also bought some more hot chocolate, as it seems to have become a favorite among the three of us. I felt very happy as I was leaving the store, knowing I had just taken another step forward in confronting my discomfort with being in a foreign country.
The Internet still wasn’t working when I returned, despite all my efforts to repair it. Something about the cord that connects to my computer isn’t working. In some respects, that was a relief for me, as it meant the issue wasn’t with my computer. Needless to say, though, I was able to rack up a bit more irritation, which compelled me to go do the dishes and start making supper. (I want to make it clear right now that I in no way want to imply that irritation is the force that compels me to be egalitarian. That would be a considerably destructive formula. I do, however, want to point out that sometimes being productive is the only way for me to get my mind off of what is irritating me. This just so happened to be the case in this situation. I find it to be a somewhat less destructive formula than the one already mentioned.)
I was disappointed with the spaghetti sauce I had bought, though really couldn’t figure out a way I could’ve made a better purchase. Having very little knowledge about the variety of spaghetti sauces in general, I chose the one I felt would be the most user-friendly. I think I also bought into the scam of mass marketing. The sauce had neither the natural tomato paste look nor the natural tomato paste smell, therefore implying to me that I had purchased a paste that was manufactured on the basis of quantity mores so than quality. All I could think of was generic, artificial, Chef Boyardi, Spaghetti-O smelling sauce which, I’m sorry, doesn’t appetize me at all. Oh well, work with what you’ve got.
I don’t think I really impressed anyone by making supper, but that didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to make supper, and I wanted Diana and Corina to enjoy it. If they did enjoy it, I haven’t found out. We ate at separate times and in separate locations. Usually they’re pretty exhausted by the end of the day and just want to relax in their room, which I completely understand. I just made it available to them, explained how the process went, and allow them to help themselves however they wished to. I made the noodles and sauce separate (an old habit from home) so that they had the choice of noodles with or without sauce. I also bought some Parmesan cheese, which was made available. We all then retreated to our respective rooms for the night.
I read some more of Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be before going to bed (sounds like a wonderful read to end the day, don’t you think?) I read three chapters before calling it quits, the second of which was called “Masquerade.” One section of this chapter, called “The Mask of Sanity,” talks about the “psychopathic phenomenon,” a phenomenon I’m afraid I’m all too familiar with. It wasn’t so much the word psychopath or even sociopath that caught my attention, but rather the characteristics of each. Plantinga writes that “such persons are often intelligent and attractive, even charismatic – qualities that make them superb players of confidence games. Psychopaths wear the mask of a genial and trustworthy human being, but underneath it everything is self-protective chaos.” To put it bluntly, which Plantinga indeed does, psychopaths and sociopaths are “people without an active conscience and a capacity for remorse.[1]”
You may have guessed where I’m going with this. I was thinking about my father as I read those words. To use the word psychopath or sociopath to describe my father is almost unthinkable, yet the words intelligent, attractive, charismatic, and lack of conscious are words very close to home. In fact, these words describe my father so much that he doesn’t appear in my mind to be my father anymore. That’s a sad thought to me.
I haven’t seen or spoken with my father in over three years now. Part of my struggle on this earth will always be my asking the question, “what if?” or “what could have been?” I think my trial as a Christian is not to let those questions negatively influence my daily walk. I remember a time when he was always there, in my face, not even physically but psychologically. High school was very difficult for that very reason. After I stopped my correspondence with him, things started getting better daily. I wasn’t plagued every minute by thoughts of him, or scared about what he would do next. Proximity also helped. I was in another state, quite a few hundred miles away from him. This past summer, though, when he returned, I suddenly had to refortify my internal defenses against the haunting of a man I barely knew. He’s out there, somewhere, my memory keeps telling me.
I don’t think he’s ever going to go away. I remember in high school I just wanted him to die. He had been making suicide threats, and if he would only follow through with them I know I’d finally be rid of him. I don’t feel that way now, thankfully. Such vengeful feelings rarely make the situation easier to deal with, nor do they somehow fix the situation. Anger, when left to its devices, only produces more anger, until you become such an angry person that not even you can tolerate yourself. At that point he’s won, or at least inadvertently driven you to such a point that any superficial move he makes will send you into a frenzy. He now has control over you and he didn’t even have to lift a finger. You did all the work for him.
I know I’ll be dealing with these feelings for a long time and I know that as a trial my only recourse can and should be to give up those feelings to God. I learned this past summer the importance of praying for your enemies. The Bible speaks about that in a number of places, especially in Jesus’ ministries, and the idea is so backwards when you actually place yourself in the context of it. When you truly identify an enemy and then are confronted with the commandment to pray for him, a whole new world of theology, religion, and faith is opened before you. Either you become even more stark-raving mad or the entire idea of redemption begins to make sense, especially in the context of praying for an enemy you just so happen to love. I love my father. I even pity him, feel sorry for him, can trace hypothetically the deteriorating course he set himself upon and followed through much of his life and thereby even understand him. I also know that I can’t get through to him, so I shouldn’t try. Way too much of my energy would be wasted. However, even in the face of great opposition, obedience is asked of those who love the Lord. The Lord asks that we pray for our enemies. Who am I to defy Him?
Blessings.
Kailen
[1] Plantinga Jr., Cornelius. Not the Way It’s Supposed to Be: A Breviary of Sin. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1995. pg. 97.
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