October 5, 2008: Cross-Cultural Connections

Dear Friend,

Today was Iris’ birthday party, an occasion I was informed would involve some degree of drinking and smoking. I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I had a feeling things would get interesting. For most of the morning, I was left alone. Being the “tall one,” I changed some lightbulbs (which I still needed a ladder for) and cleaned out my room. By cleaning out my room I mean cleaning out my room. Everything, including the two mattresses I sleep on and the rug, were moved to the cluttered spare room. Other than that, I sat and read.

Before the end of last semester I had the privilege and random opportunity to speak with Dr. Rod Spidahl, associate professor of religion at Northwestern College, about my eventual semester in Romania. Having experienced many cross-cultural missionary opportunities in his life, he recommended Duane Elmer’s Cross-Cultural Connections. He emphasized greatly how important it is to have an open mind when entering a new and different culture, and said that’s what Elmer promotes throughout his book. This is what I was reading this morning.

In Chapter 3, “Right, Wrong and Different,” Elmer writes a lot about differences between generations, a subject Iris and I had just finished discussing the other night. He actually approaches the subject similarly to the way I addressed it, making observations similar to those I had made. I felt as if I was reading a chapter I had written. Elmer writes, “We are all products of a heritage that cannot be set aside. It is good to acknowledge the positive contributions, affirm them and even build upon them. At the same time, it is good to become aware of the negative pieces of our history so we will not be victimized by them.[1]” He then describes the discoveries he made about growing up in a precise and punctual Swiss-German household in Southern Wisconsin (hey, look at that!) and the challenges of passing on such a heritage to his sons (it sounds similar to Dutch stubbornness.) In passing down beliefs to the next generation, similar to sharing beliefs in any relationship, there comes a time when both parties notice some considerable differences. Things aren’t right, there not wrong, there just different.

Elmer does, however, do a good job about supporting the fact that the Bible still maintains a law about what’s right and wrong. He makes it clear that the lines between right, wrong, and different are difficult to draw, but the lines between right and wrong are established in the Bible. The grey difference area nonetheless continues to be controversial. Churches divide because of differences. Families break apart because of differences. Differences, though, can still serve God.

The following chapter was about how a person’s frame of reference can greatly influence the decisions that person makes in encounters with others, especially others of different cultures. I discovered after reading this chapter how shortsighted my own frame of reference can become. Take, for example, the party today. Many of the guests drank, smoked, and were considerably loud, all things I would generally consider to be reckless and disruptive. However, are these things right, wrong, or different culturally? That is to say, are these things right, wrong, or different between my own personal culture (how I was raised) and the culture of the party guests? What do I see through my frame of reference and how am I allowing it influence the way I interact with others? As a Christian, how should I let that frame of reference influence me? Should my frame of reference somehow be different from what it is/was at the time?

Needless to say, I left the party early. By “left” I mean went two doors down the hall to my room, where I reassembled my bed and got some much needed sleep. I thought, as I lie awake, how I interacted with the guests and if it was enough to give them the impression I was an active participant, that I wasn’t judging them because I didn’t drink or smoke. There were plenty of moments that became uncomfortable for me, simply within those two discrepancies. Also, I’ve said before, I’m not much of a party person. I can be pretty lively at a party, but in general I’m not much of a party person.

Is my frame of reference hindering my interaction with the people here? Is there a point when that frame of reference is right to hinder me? Am I justified in my frame of reference? Are these even the right questions to ask? I’m going through each of these days as a day, trying to address them each at a time. Once the day is done, I can’t go back and change it. I can reflect, but I must move on. Am I learning anything about my frame of reference, though, that can help me in the future? Maybe this is an extreme circumstance and I need to let it go, I don’t know. God, grant me first the humility to know I’m not right all the time, and then grant me the wisdom to know what to do and the love to do it with. That is my prayer for each of us, friend.

Blessings.
Kailen

[1] Elmer, Duane. Cross-Cultural Connections: Stepping Out and Fitting In Around the World. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2002. pg. 23.