September 10, 2008: Camp Food and Investment

Dear Friend,

I like pasta, but not when the sauce comes from a package. I don’t think Ramen counts, because that’s a soup, and I’ve actually had some really good soups that came in dry, powdery form. Pasta, though, needs real sauce. I’ll explain in a bit.

We spent most of our language lesson today learning about a very difficult subject in Romanian grammar we really weren’t supposed to be studying until later, if ever. Iuliana showed us a little bit of this “tense” (I can’t remember which, past, present, or future) and everyone seemed to want to know more. It was like a mind game, a puzzle of sorts. We all had to solve it in order to move on. Unfortunately, whatever plan Iuliana had at the beginning of the day went quickly by the wayside. In the end, I remember very little of the subject at all. I was paying very close attention, but I finally realized why Iuliana kept telling us this particular tense was difficult to understand. She wasn’t joking. It was really, really tough. I understood for maybe five minutes, which used up all the megabytes of RAM I had stored in my brain. It was glorious, but very short-lived.

In EE today we learned how to filter water and use the camp stoves. The filters look like plastic spray-paint cans. Out of the nozzle comes a hose with a small, foam floaty wrapped around it. The hose is placed in the water source (river, lake, what have you) and the pump on the spray-paint can pumps the water through the filter. The filtered water comes out the bottom of the spray-paint can into your container. These filters screw right onto the mouth of our Nalgenes, which is really handy. The pumping, though, is laborious.

The camp stoves remind me of model lunar modules, or at least the base of the lunar module. Once the stove is unfolded it’s about the size of my hand. The frame unfolds with three supports for the pot or pan you’re using. The burner is a mini rocket booster in the center. A metal hose is connected to the burner housing. You connect a gas canister (ours are about the size of a twenty ounce bottle of pop), pump the gas canister, open the valves, and light the burner. You have to let the burner warm up a little before turning it on full blast. Once you turn it on full blast, though, you could probably send the little guy to the moon. The burner gets rather loud, almost like a jet engine. You then place a shield, made of a thick aluminum foil, around the stove to keep wind from blowing out the flame. Then you can cook. Don’t give a pyromaniac one of these. They’re a lot of fun.

Along with learning how to light the stove, we also learned how to use it. We made pasta for supper. The noodles were the real deal, but the sauce was dry and in packets. We ended up making something the consistency of macaroni and cheese, just with spaghetti noodles and tomato paste flavored sauce. At least, that’s what I made. Some of the girls made an alfredo tasting pasta. We were very proud of ourselves about not ruining the noodles, a capital sin if committed while backpacking.

This all took place at Dana and Brandi’s house, in their backyard. We had the privilege of eating a meal that wasn’t limited to only what we would eat in the Retezat. Brandi and the girls made a salad, while Andrew and I finished up our pasta. It took some time, because we first had to filter the water before setting it on the burner. Overall, the meal was palatable. I may have to finesse my recipe of packaged pasta, or add some other spices to it. Luckily we’ll have other options with us in the mountains.

It’s Wednesday today, which meant debriefing would take place after supper. We didn’t do the "picture" thing we did a week ago, but we went around and told each other an outstanding moment from the past week and an outstanding emotion. “Outstanding” didn’t necessarily mean “great” or “wonderful,” but rather “something that stood out.” The outstanding moment I shared was the night Tibi and I had our conversation about marriage. It stood out to me because I felt it was a time when Tibi and I connected on a deeper, even more spiritual level. He had shared so much of himself with me then.

The outstanding emotion I shared with the group was my feeling of loneliness, what I experienced yesterday. As I had more time to think about what I felt yesterday, I realized a lot of my problem comes from not being able to invest. I have a hard time investing in ideas, in experiences, in my work, and more importantly with other people, because I’m afraid of disappointment. That’s where “just getting by” comes in. I’m able to just get by because it helps me from being disappointed. I’ll invest only so much of myself so that when the going gets tough I can pull out. I was the polar bear who didn’t want to jump into the water with the walruses. My challenge this semester is to find moments when I can jump into the water. I told the team I would explain later the history of why I felt this way. We are all supposed to share our life stories with each other, and Hollyann and I were supposed to share ours tonight. Debriefing took longer than expected, though, so we would have to wait until tomorrow. I'm hoping I'll be able to explain a bit more of myself when I give my life story.

Despite the friction I have been feeling, the annoyance I’m ashamed of admitting to, I’m very happy to say I can feel compassion from my teammates. We’re each very unique and different, but I had the feeling tonight that we all do care about each other. We may not always know how, but we care and we try. I think I’m mostly ashamed because I feel more compassion coming my way than I think I’m giving to them. I’m the oddball in the group, but I’ve received a lot of grace, which I am extremely thankful for. I have a feeling that once I’m in the city I’m going to miss seeing them on a regular basis. Usually it takes that kind of absence to realize how important being together truly was. It’s certainly how I feel right now about you, friend. Your absence in my life right now makes me appreciate all the more the time we have spent together. I love you and miss you dearly.

Blessings.
Kailen